Suspecting an involvement in the reported assault, officers interviewed Vlad the Impaled in his hospital bed. The man, whose name was not released, insisted that he "was not being chased, but rather he thought he was a ninja" and could successfully vault a five-foot spiked fence. The man's mad ninja skills, it seems, were bested by the fence and he ended up stuck like a pig.
He is no Darwin Award winner, merely an at-risk survivor: his impaled carcass was in serious but stable condition in intensive care at the Harborview Medical Center when last we checked. Police spokesman Renee Witt added, "Clearly he was overconfident in his abilities, no doubt bolstered by alcohol."