(31 January 2001, Pennsylvania) A Huntingdon Valley man who dropped his keys in a portable toilet became stuck in the facilities while trying to rescue them. He hollered for help for 45 minutes, and eventually children playing in a nearby field heard his cries and alerted their parents. Police were forced to demolish the portable toilet to extricate the man, who had been standing in the redolent muck without his shoes or pants for an hour and a half. Doctors treated him for cuts and bruises, and removed the toilet seat wedged around his hips. We speculate that his ego may never recover its original size.