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1999 Honorable Mentions
| Although the stupidity displayed in the following tales stops short of the ultimate sacrifice, we salute the spirit and innovation shown in these misadventures. |
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Horse Drug Experiment
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(1999, Guyana) The non-surgical condition of unusual durations of penile erection are called priapism. This is the unfortunate condition results when blood is unable to drain normally, as it does in a flaccid penis. Priapic erections can be caused by blood disorders, such as sickle-cell anemia or leukemia, but sometimes stem from an inexplicable application of stupidity on the part of the owner.
A Guyana newspaper carried the story of one meatball who, wishing to prolong an upcoming rendezvous with his girlfriend, overdosed on cantarden, a drug used for putting horses in heat. The drug had its intended effect, and the man discovered to his horror that his penis had become painfully erect and refused to go down.
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After days of agony, he reluctantly sought medical assistance, hoping he could keep the whole thing confidential. Luck was against him, and when word of his erection slipped out, he became the town laughingstock. Adding insult to injury, he was nicknamed "staff sergeant" by the locals. After three weeks of humiliation and misery, he underwent surgery to relieve the condition. Now his only problem is he can't get it up. Take lesson from this, folks, and leave drug experimentation to the professionals.
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Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest
Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.$15 The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is. Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head! 123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more. Autographed by Author! |
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