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1999 Honorable Mentions
| Although the stupidity displayed in the following tales stops short of the ultimate sacrifice, we salute the spirit and innovation shown in these misadventures. |
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Mis-Steak
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(18 July 1999, Virginia) This steak-lover will be a "prime" candidate for the Darwin Awards any day now. The story began with a yen for a good steak, and ended behind bars. Cornelious became embroiled in a dispute with a Waffle House employee over the quality of their steak-and-waffle plate. Police were dispatched to the Fredericksburg, Virginia Waffle Hut in response to Cornelious's call to 911, crying, "They're taking my money!" At 1:10AM Sgt. John Barham was arrived at the breakfast café, and found the man pacing outside the restaurant. |
The man stated that he felt his order of steak was not properly cooked, and that Waffle Hut had ripped him off by refusing to refund his money. The restaurant manager was interviewed, and agreed to refund the $21 to Cornelious. The victory was short-lived. The sergeant ran an identity check, and found that Cornelious was wanted in for a probation violation. He hauled him off to the Rappahannock Regional Jail, where he is currently held without bail pending extradition to Florida. Moral of the story: sometimes moral victories can be decidedly unsatisfying. |
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The Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action
Hardback. 327 pages. Autographed.$15 185 Stories! In the ongoing saga of Survival of the Fittest, meet the thief who steals electrical wires without shutting off the current! Marvel at the would-be pilot who suspends his lawnchair from helium balloons! Learn from the man who peers into a gas can using a cigarette lighter...! This book also includes a History of the Darwin Awards, Darwin Haiku, and a dozen humorous discussions of the implications of evolution, including the origin of idiots, and the role of testosterone. Autographed by Author! |
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