The Darwin Awards 
HOME
Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
2009 Mentions
Mortar Fire
The Mane Attraction
ICanSayIToldYouSo
My Father, the PhD
Down In The Dumps
Single Bud Vase
Boom Boom Bees
Nitrating The Unknown
Chutes and Spills
Not Even Half-Baked
Homemade Howitzer
Cap-ping Cap-pow
White Spirit
Pill Pusher
Clap Clap Clap Your Hands
Bonehead Bowling
Gimpy Wendy
Duct Don't
A Putty Bullet
Mr. Tinker
Hot Buns
Ninja Wannabe
Agua Ski Calamity
Cats Land On All Fours
Ninja Deer Hunter
An Un-Fun Whirlwind
Christmas Light Zinger
The Great Fruitcake Incident
Popsicle
Tennis Blow
Motorized Bar Stool
Caps'n'Hammer Kid
Locker Room Humor
A Clear Lesson
A Drilliant Idea
Birch Slapped
Against The Odds, Nothing!
Other Mention Years 
2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008 2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 2000 1999 Vintage
 
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum
Home

  

Darwin Awards
2009 At-Risk Survivor
Email a Friend The stupidity displayed by the participants in the following tales stops short of the ultimate Darwin Awards sacrifice. Nevertheless, we salute the spirit and innovation of their misadventures. Next Prev Random

Agua Ski Calamity
2009 At-Risk Survivor
Unconfirmed by Darwin

(personal account)
(29 December 2009, Mexico) Sun, sea, sand, well-built hombre's in small bathing suits, tropical drinks, Mazatlan is everything you could wish for on a long, "No Freakin' Snow!" winter holiday. Boats are rented, sunscreen slathered on, rum-related judgment-imparing drinks poured, what could possibly go sideways?

Enter Evan, 34, Pinky, 22, and their 58-year-old mom, Mitzi. If the Olympics makes a medal event in Near Death Experience, these three will clean up. Their favorite warm-weather activity is water skiing, especially after the consumption of two or three drinks with paper umbrellas.

The lack of a tow rope vexed the colorful trio until one child of Bacchus recruited the others to execute a plan to MAKE TOW ROPE so they could go skiing. The ingredients for this makeshift replacement were deep sea fishing line, the patience to braid fifty yards of doom in the making, and a handle to affix to the rope. Mitzi's always up for sacrificing her bikini top for a good cause, so that was the tow rope handle.

It was like watching a train wreck unfold. The boat engine revved, Mitzi jumped in, Evan was at the wheel. Twenty-two year old Pinky put on the waterskis, bobbed into position, and shouted, "Hit it!" The boat reached warp nine before the braided line suffered what NASA would call a catastrophic failure, snapping in half somewhere along its length, coming apart at the bikini handle, the hitch, and Posiedon only knows where else.

Out-of-control Pinky was sent flying over a low boat ramp and into the open hold of a fishing boat. A highly irate Mexican fishermen threw him and his skis back overboard. Mitzi got spanked with fishing line lashes across her back, and Evan narrowly missed plowing into a tourist boat due to the combination of excess speed and sudden loss of drag.

Turns out, tickets for "disturbing the peace" and "public drunkenness" add up to $130 in fines and a good scolding from the judge, who pointed out the obvious at length: This could have been tragic, Pinky could have broken his neck, and Evan could have sunk a tourist boat that was chock-full of little kids.

As for me, this year I'm gonna stay home and shovel the driveway.

ORIGINAL SUBMISSION

DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2012
Reference: personal account by bIrqul

Awful? 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Great?
Hate it! Love it!
Previous Directions Next

DARWINAWARDS MUG

Amusing coffee mug "Honoring those who give their all to improve our species." Made by Wendy "Darwin" Northcutt. Awesome, playful pottery mug is hand-made and signed; a well-crafted durable stoneware pottery mug large enough to easily accomodate 15 ounces of hot coffee. Check it out!




The Darwin Awards Gift Shop at Zazzle

 

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend