(29 December 2009, Mexico) Sun, sea, sand,
well-built hombre's in small bathing suits, tropical drinks, Mazatlan is
everything you could wish for on a long, "No Freakin' Snow!" winter
holiday. Boats are rented, sunscreen slathered on, rum-related
judgment-imparing drinks poured, what could possibly go sideways?
Enter Evan, 34, Pinky, 22, and their 58-year-old mom, Mitzi. If the
Olympics makes a medal event in Near Death Experience, these three will
clean up. Their favorite warm-weather activity is water skiing, especially
after the consumption of two or three drinks with paper umbrellas.
The lack of a tow rope vexed the colorful trio until one child of Bacchus
recruited the others to execute a plan to MAKE TOW ROPE so they could go
skiing. The ingredients for this makeshift replacement were deep sea
fishing line, the patience to braid fifty yards of doom in the making, and
a handle to affix to the rope. Mitzi's always up for sacrificing her
bikini top for a good cause, so that was the tow rope handle.
It was like watching a train wreck unfold. The boat engine revved, Mitzi
jumped in, Evan was at the wheel. Twenty-two year old Pinky put on the
waterskis, bobbed into position, and shouted, "Hit it!" The boat reached
warp nine before the braided line suffered what NASA would call a
catastrophic failure, snapping in half somewhere along its length, coming
apart at the bikini handle, the hitch, and Posiedon only knows where else.
Out-of-control Pinky was sent flying over a low boat ramp and into
the open hold of a fishing boat. A highly irate Mexican fishermen threw
him and his skis back overboard. Mitzi got spanked with fishing line
lashes across her back, and Evan narrowly missed plowing into a tourist
boat due to the combination of excess speed and sudden loss of drag.
Turns out, tickets for "disturbing the peace" and "public drunkenness" add
up to $130 in fines and a good scolding from the judge, who pointed out the
obvious at length: This could have been tragic, Pinky could have broken his
neck, and Evan could have sunk a tourist boat that was chock-full of little
As for me, this year I'm gonna stay home and shovel the driveway.
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Reference: personal account by bIrqul