(16 November 2009, Washington) Seattle Police were searching for a reported
assault victim when they heard screams of dire pain, and followed their ears to a grisly scene: a man impaled on a fence post! They supported him to prevent further injuries until Seattle Fire Department personnel arrived to stabilize him and transport him to a hospital.
Suspecting an involvement in the reported assault, officers interviewed Vlad the Impaled in his hospital bed. The man, whose name was not released, insisted that he "was not being chased, but rather he thought he was a ninja" and could successfully vault a five-foot spiked fence. The man's mad ninja skills, it seems, were bested by the fence and he ended up stuck like a pig.
He is no Darwin Award winner, merely an at-risk survivor: his impaled carcass was in serious but stable condition in intensive care at the Harborview Medical Center when last we checked. Police spokesman Renee Witt added, "Clearly he was overconfident in his abilities, no doubt bolstered by alcohol."
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Submitted by: Rich, George McElhoe, Nancy Thompsen, Peter Rampone, Crystal Rutherford
Reference: Seattle Post Intelligencer, AP, msnbc.com