The Darwin Awards 
Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
2009 Mentions
Mortar Fire
The Mane Attraction
My Father, the PhD
Down In The Dumps
Single Bud Vase
Boom Boom Bees
Nitrating The Unknown
Chutes and Spills
Not Even Half-Baked
Homemade Howitzer
Cap-ping Cap-pow
White Spirit
Pill Pusher
Clap Clap Clap Your Hands
Bonehead Bowling
Gimpy Wendy
Duct Don't
A Putty Bullet
Mr. Tinker
Hot Buns
Ninja Wannabe
Agua Ski Calamity
Cats Land On All Fours
Ninja Deer Hunter
An Un-Fun Whirlwind
Christmas Light Zinger
The Great Fruitcake Incident
Tennis Blow
Motorized Bar Stool
Caps'n'Hammer Kid
Locker Room Humor
A Clear Lesson
A Drilliant Idea
Birch Slapped
Against The Odds, Nothing!
Other Mention Years 
2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008 2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 2000 1999 Vintage
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum


Darwin Awards
2009 At-Risk Survivor
Email a Friend The stupidity displayed by the participants in the following tales stops short of the ultimate Darwin Awards sacrifice. Nevertheless, we salute the spirit and innovation of their misadventures. Next Prev Random

Ninja Wannabe
2009 At-Risk Survivor
Confirmed True by Darwin

(16 November 2009, Washington) Seattle Police were searching for a reported assault victim when they heard screams of dire pain, and followed their ears to a grisly scene: a man impaled on a fence post! They supported him to prevent further injuries until Seattle Fire Department personnel arrived to stabilize him and transport him to a hospital.

Suspecting an involvement in the reported assault, officers interviewed Vlad the Impaled in his hospital bed. The man, whose name was not released, insisted that he "was not being chased, but rather he thought he was a ninja" and could successfully vault a five-foot spiked fence. The man's mad ninja skills, it seems, were bested by the fence and he ended up stuck like a pig.

He is no Darwin Award winner, merely an at-risk survivor: his impaled carcass was in serious but stable condition in intensive care at the Harborview Medical Center when last we checked. Police spokesman Renee Witt added, "Clearly he was overconfident in his abilities, no doubt bolstered by alcohol."

MEDIA REFERENCES © 1994 - 2012
Submitted by: Rich, George McElhoe, Nancy Thompsen, Peter Rampone, Crystal Rutherford
Reference: Seattle Post Intelligencer, AP,

Awful? 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Great?
Hate it! Love it!
Previous Directions Next


Amusing coffee mug "Honoring those who give their all to improve our species." Made by Wendy "Darwin" Northcutt. Awesome, playful pottery mug is hand-made and signed; a well-crafted durable stoneware pottery mug large enough to easily accomodate 15 ounces of hot coffee. Check it out!

The Darwin Awards Gift Shop at Zazzle


HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend