(September 2002, Germany) Three doctors from a Munich clinic published the
following account in a highly respected medical journal. The man in
question disqualified himself from a true Darwin Award by being smart
enough to go to a hospital and admit what he'd done. The report is quoted
directly from the journal, with the addition of bracketed "translations"
that clarify the medical jargon.
"A 31-year-old man was admitted to the emergency unit with severe abdominal
pain and vomiting for two hours. [He'd been sober enough to notice a
problem for the last two hours.] An abdominal radiograph disclosed
intestinal obstruction, and a small bowel follow-through study revealed a
filling defect in the right-side jejunum. [His gut was backed-up because
something was stuck in it]. Persistent exploration of the patient's
history [he *really* didn't want to talk about it] disclosed a visit to the
Munich Octoberfest the night before, during which the patient had ingested
a condom filled with beer. [No, we don't know why, either].
"Upper endoscopy was unsuccessful in removing the condom. [We couldn't
budge it.] Because the condom was localized close to the abdominal wall, it
was finally punctated with a long needle under CT control. [We stuck a
really big needle in it, and it burst.] Forty milliliters of a yellow clear
liquid [we can't say in print that it was beer, because we were laughing so
hard we didn't think to send it to the lab] were drawn off when the condom
slid forward spontaneously. The next morning, the condom was identified in
the patient's stool [a high-quality, leakage-resistant condom, showing that
the man was at least attempting to nullify his influence on the gene pool,]
and the patient was discharged in good condition."
The authors note, "To the best of our knowledge, this is the first report
on intestinal obstruction caused by ingestion of a condom filled with an
alcoholic beverage, and its successful transcutaneous treatment. [Hey, we
always wanted to be the first doctors to do *something*!]"
DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2017
Submitted by: T.G. Shaw
Reference: American Journal of Gastroenterology, February 2003; 98:512, with "translations" by T.G. Shaw.