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2017 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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Forum Frozen Macho.

2017 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

2010 was a lousy year for Igor Grudtsinov (born 1990). Bad grades was one thing, but there was also the issue of his girlfriend leaving him for a guy who, apparently, was more of a real man.

Igor had an idea. He decided to play Survivor. Surely, should he spend a few weeks in the harsh wilderness, everyone will realise what a true man he is, and his ex-girlfriend will crawl back to him, begging to help spread his genes.

He decided against going to some uninhabited island, or next to some African cannibals. Instead, from his home in Belgorod (the westernmost part of Russia, not to be confused with Belgrad) he chose a spot near Kargat, in southwestern Siberia.

Now, it might surprise you, but not all Russians know from birth how to survive in the Siberian wilderness. One should first read some professional manuals, practice by walking around with some experienced survivors...

Our dear Igor did none of that. Instead, he browsed some forums. One should know that a lot of the people there are schoolboys who can offer pretty little advice, and ones who can, have their voices drowned out by the noise. Still, our dear macho student believed himself ready.

In November 2010, he took a pal and boarded a train. They arrived safely at the forest, put up a tent about a kilometer off the road...

Toward the evening, it started becoming (Surprise!) cold. The pal decided that a Darwin award, even one merely for frozen off balls, isn't quite worth it, and told Igor "I am out of here, and you better go as well". Our macho refused.

Mind you, he still had a phone with him, one with an Internet connection. A few hours later, he logged onto the very same forums and said "Guys, help. The snow is knee deep, it's minus 20 (a bit under zero Fahrenheit, to those unused to Celsius), the bonfire gives off too much smoke for a tent, what should I do?" By then, even the schoolboys realized the proper response would be " Get the heck out, moron"! Igor remained a macho till the end.

Eventually, his pal had managed to arrange for a search party, but, despite the tent being so close to the road, the searches failed. Many people had claimed they saw Igor in one place or another, but ultimately, it wasn't until a year later that his body was found by accident. Somehow, his plastic and branches tent, despite looking more like a toddler's dollhouse than a shelter, was still standing.

Submitted on 10/26/2017

Submitted by: Sergey S.
Reference:Игорь_Грудцинов 10/27/2017

Copyright © 2017

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Darwin Award
After seeing the referenced article and the photo of the "tent" in it I'm more than willing to accept this. Thanks!

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Darwin Award
You have got to be kidding. Thanks, Sergey!

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