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Darwin Awards
Stupidity kills

October 2004

 
Stupid Human Tricks. This installment: Stupid Pricing. On the OfficeMax website, you can get one Letter Size Hardwood Clipboard for $0.99, or a TWO-PACK for $1.99! <sarcasm> Save a penny. Order twice.

What I'm Mad About

I'm furious about the bombardment of slanted propaganda we're expected to endure. Outdoors, there's little one can do but look away from the billboards. In my own home, why do I have to read "Alhambra" every time I reach for a water bottle? Why do I have to see "Dial Soap" on the soap dispenser? Why do I have to see the Honda logo? In my own home, things should be different.

I'm making a stand. The ads are coming off everything. I'm removing the logos, putting generic labels on the "Laundry Soap" and "Bleach". I may even go so far as to label the milk carton "MILK".In praise of the inkjet printer!

Read What Readers Think... about the relentless blizzard of "consume"r pressure.

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Top Darwin Awards

The Darwin Awards honor those who improve our gene pool... by removing themselves from it. Of necessity, this honor is (generally) bestowed posthumously.

Stupid Human Tricks (91%)
2000 Darwin Award
Shorties: Stupid Human Tricks: Robert, 37, shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale, California, when he placed a .45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger. Shovestall's wi

Faulty Aim Fatal (85%)
2002 Darwin Award
Faulty Aim Fatal: When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive

Sizzling Scaffolding (84%)
1994 Darwin Awards
Sizzling Scaffolding: At the Amarillo Fairgrounds, some buildings were in need of a coat of paint, so local contractors were hired to do the job. Between the buildings was an angled alley with a culvert in the middle, designed to drain

Macho Men? (84%)
1996 Darwin Award
Macho Men?: Some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho they are. Witness Frenchman Pierre Pumpille, of Lyon, who recently shunted a stationary car two feet by headbutting it. Women thought I was a god, he explained from his hospital bed. Deity or not, however, Pumpille is

Wrong Time, Wrong Place (84%)
1990 Darwin Award
Wrong Time, Wrong Place: A man tried to commit a robbery in Renton, WA. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the fact that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices as listed below: 1. The target was H&J Leather

Firecracker Chainsaw Massacre (84%)
2002 Darwin Award
Firecracker Chainsaw Massacre: A Croatian was killed while trying to open a hand grenade with a chainsaw. He wanted to retrieve the explosive to make firecrackers for the New Year's holiday.

Gun Safety Training (84%)
2000 Darwin Award
Gun Safety Training: A Houston man earned a succinct lesson in gun safety when he played Russian Roulette with a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol on Monday. 19-year-old Rashaad was visiting friends when he an

JATO (84%)
1995 Darwin Award
Jet Assisted Take-Off: The Arizona Highway Patrol, when they came upon a pile of smoldering metal imbedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road, at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable

What's That Sound? (84%)
2002 Darwin Award
What's That Sound?: Police said an Olathe man was struck and killed by a train after his vehicle broke down on Interstate 35. His attempts at repairing his car had failed, and he was calling for help when the train engineer spotted him

More Darwin Awards...

Literary Reference

"Common sense is perhaps the most equally divided, but surely the most underemployed, talent in the world." -Christine Collange

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