// Press Release -- 30 January 2005 DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER - 30 January 2005 --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who contrive to remove themselves from it. This honor is generally bestowed posthumously. --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ Dear Readers, A whole year since the last newsletter? I owe you an explanation! A list this size, the software is expensive, but I rented my service from a reasonable guy at a reasonable price. Then he sold his company to a company that was bought by a pseudo-spammer that made its money from "free" ad-filled bulk emails. Thus my email was sadly associated with a major persona-non-grata at AOL and elsewhere on the Internet. Our innocent newsletter suffered along with the guilty. Eventually I bailed out in frustration... Fast forward a year: I have finally found another reasonable guy with a reasonable price, and the Darwin Awards Newsletter is back in action! SEVEN new stories on the website right now, and dozens more written and coming in the weeks ahead. Look forward to much merriment over the mayhem humans inflict upon themselves... the Darwin Awards! --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ CONFIRMED Darwin Award: DEATH BY LAVA LAMP 28 November 2004 Washington We have a new Darwin winner, with the recent demise of a man at the hands of his lava lamp. "Why on Earth he heated a lava lamp on the stove, we don't know," said baffled police. No drug or alcohol evidence was found; Philip Quinn, 24, in his right mind, placed a lava lamp on his kitchen burner and turned up the flame. In due course, he rediscovered this favorite explosive generator of deadly shrapnel. He was found dead in his Kent trailer home, a shard of glass through his heart. -confirmed (KiroTV, CNN) --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ CONFIRMED Darwin Award: KILLER SHADES 17 September 2003 San Francisco, California Barry Bonds had just made the last out at the bottom of the eighth inning. By coincidence, Todd Edward Adams, a Hawaiian surfer dude who had recently relocated to Santa Cruz for the gnarly waves at Maverick's, was bumming the last beer from a new friend at the San Francisco Giants' ballpark at the same time. Todd was leaning back over the railing of the Arcade port walk, getting to the 'bottom eighth' of a beer, when his Maui Jim* designer sunglasses slipped off the top of his head. Down they fell, landing twenty-five feet below, where a helpful bum picked them up and tried to toss them back. But it was too far! Todd called out that he was coming down to get them. His wife, Kathy, described Todd as 'a passionate surfer' talented enough to turn pro. Perhaps his sense of physical prowess was his downfall. The agile 38-year-old briefly considered the long walk down, and then came up with an alternative. He climbed over the railing, jumped to perch on a light sconce five feet below, then dropped like Tarzan to the ground, gratefully reclaiming his shades from the bum. At least, that was the plan, and the first part, climbing the railing, went fine. The second part was more problematic. Todd missed the sconce and 'came down like a pancake,' according to a startled observer a few feet from the point of impact. The crowd was shocked into silence. Why would anyone take such a chance for a pair of shades? Todd would have been chagrined to hear the observer's next words. 'They looked cheap,' he said, apologizing, 'I don't know sunglasses brands.' -confirmed (San Francisco Examiner, Santa Cruz Sentinal, San Jose Mercury News) --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ More DARWIN AWARDS: A Honey of a Buzz Hurricane Blumpkin "Hazard Befell Him" More HONORABLE MENTIONS: Picture Perfect Cop Blowtorch and Gunpowder Off We Go... --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ * Copyright (c) 2005 www.DarwinAwards.com * * Please share this newsletter with your friends! * // Press Release -- 30 January 2005