Darwin Awards Newsletter -- 13 March 2001 What are they? Darwin Awards celebrate Charles Darwin's theory of evolution By commemorating the remains of those who contributed to the Improvement of our gene pool by removing themselves from it. Here are some of the latest nominees: - - - SCOOTER SNUFF -- Confirmed Darwin Award (25 January 2001, New Mexico) Cross the street at night wearing dark clothing, and you court danger. Ride a push scooter down the center lane of a major road wearing dark clothes in the middle of the night, and you take your life into your hands. Ride that scooter in the dark carrying a bottle of Tequila Rose liqueur, and you're a Darwin Award waiting to happen. An unidentified 18-year-old died doing just that, when the driver of a pickup truck veered to avoid him and accidentally clipped him with the side mirror at 9pm. The unhelmeted scooter rider hit the pavement and died at the scene from severe head injuries. In an earnest display of common sense, Sgt. Brian McCutcheon warned that piloting a scooter down a street after dark is "a very bad idea" and "extremely unsafe." - - - Buy the Darwin Awards book for yourself, your friends, your neighbors. Perfect for cocktail parties, backpacks, and quiet times in the bathroom. #3 New York Times Bestseller! http://darwinawards.com/book/?0103 - - - GUY FAWKES SPARKS -- Historic Darwin Award (5 November 1605, England) In the early hours of a wintry London night, authorities discovered Guy Fawkes sitting by a pile of gunpowder in the cellar of the Houses of Parliament. King James I was scheduled to attend Parliament when it convened later that day, and he was not pleased by this demonstration of disrespect by his subjects. A manhunt was started for Fawkes' fellow conspirators, 14 people in all led by Brian Caton. A few days later the plotters were brought to earth in a house in Buxton and a gunfight ensued. Unfortunately there was a driving rain and the gunpowder of the cornered men was too wet to fire properly. So they spread the gunpowder on the floor in front of the fire to dry. Guess what happened when a burning ember spat out from the fire and landed on the drying powder? Needless to say, the survivors of the explosion and the incoming gunfire were captured, and hanged and beheaded for treason. As an interesting sidelight, gunpowder those days had a limited use-by date. The pile that had been accumulated and secreted in the cellar had probably deteriorated too much to ignite even if Fawkes had managed to remain undetected until King James' appearance. We can only assume he had prepared a long enough fuse to ensure his safe withdrawal. Otherwise he would have joined the ranks of the suicide bombers, who win the very first Darwin Award -- before Charles Darwin was even born! - - - Sign up for our free Baseball Cap Giveaway! http://www.darwinawards.com/misc/free.bbcap.html?0103 - - - NAILED! -- Confirmed Honorable Mention (23 January 2001, Pennsylvania) Every home needs a handyman for those essential home remodeling tasks. But not every homeowner knows how to get the job done, so professionals are sometimes called in to help. Enter William, 25, whose employer sent him to the home of a Bethlehem man to help renovate the basement. William was using a portable miter saw that requires quite a bit of concentration. When our hero's attention slipped, so did the saw, which sliced off his hand at the wrist. As if losing a limb weren't bad enough, the injured man proceeded to shoot himself in the head a dozen times with a pneumatic nail gun in an attempt to end his misery. The homeowner ventured downstairs to check on the remodeling, but found the basement empty. He was about to leave when his dog discovered William cowering in the corner, nails protruding from his scalp. The owner of the company arrived at the scene, located the missing limb, wrapped it in a clean plastic sandwich bag, and sent it with William to the hospital. At least a dozen 1-1/2 inch nails were removed from William's head at St. Luke's Hospital in Fountain Hill, and the severed hand was reattached. - - - READ MORE NEW DARWIN AWARDS! Sweet Release http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2001-04.html?0103 Testing Faith http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-51.html?0103 That Sinking Feeling http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2001-07.html?0103 High on Grass http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2000-29.html?0103 Sewer Shower http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2001-06.html?0103 Tied to His Work http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2001-05.html?0103 Workin' on the Railroad http://www.darwinawards.com/personal/personal2001-07.html?0103 Accident Prone http://www.darwinawards.com/personal/personal2001-06.html?0103 FEEL FREE TO PASS THIS NEWSLETTER ALONG TO YOUR FRIENDS! ---