DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER -- 1 JANUARY 2000 <-- - Oopsa! 2001 --> What are they? Darwin Awards celebrate Charles Darwin's theory of evolution By commemorating the remains of those who contributed to the Improvement of our gene pool by removing themselves from it. We select the finest examples of evolution in action. What a great year 2000 was! Lots of ludicrous tales of misadventure. Plus readers confirm two old favorites: The failed robbery of a Washington gun shop with a police car in front, a policeman (and gun shop patrons) inside... Confirmed! The prisoner escaping from a Pittsburgh jail cell using a rope of torn bedsheets that the broken glass cut through... Confirmed! (Plus the end of the rope was 80 feet short of the ground.) Now, on to the Darwin Award Winners of the Millennium... THE DAILY GRIND 2000 Darwin Award Winner--Confirmed True by Darwin The owner of a chipping company in Maine was rent asunder by his own wood chipper when he stumbled into the intake chute while trying to break up a bark jam without disconnecting the power supply -- THE most important rule! Full story: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-10.html?0101 DO IT YOURSELF, DO YOURSELF IN 2000 Darwin Award Winner--Confirmed True by Darwin A 34-year-old Colorado contractor wired his garden fence with Household current in an attempt to keep his dog confined to the yard. He electrocuted himself when he brushed against the fence while reaching for a ripe tomato. Full story: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-30.html?0101 STONED SLEEP 2000 Darwin Award Runner-Up--Confirmed True by Darwin A North Carolina marijuana smoker learned a hard lesson about drugs when she decided to bed down on the roof of the King Charles Inn. Fast asleep, she slid off the roof and fell to her death before dawn. Police found her stoned boyfriend still sleeping on the roof. http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-14.html?0101 HUMAN POPSICLE 2000 Darwin Award Runner-Up--Confirmed True by Darwin Ohio police located the body of a missing truck driver in January After his employer reported him missing in action. The man was found frozen head down among his broccoli pallets, where he had apparently slipped while trying to retrieve a hidden stash of cocaine. http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-36.html?0101 - - - Remember to buy my book for yourself, your friends, and your neighbors. A beautiful hardcover edition, perfect for cocktail parties and backpacks. The entire Darwin Awards archive (and more!) in one convenient handful. #3 New York Times Bestseller! http://darwinawards.com/book/?0101 - - - MORE 2000 DARWIN AWARD NOMINEES... PERILOUS POSE 2000 Darwin Award--Confirmed True by Darwin A 53-year-old tourist posing nude for his camera in picturesque Rothemberg, Germany, slipped from castle's high stone wall while Preparing for the shot, and fell sixteen feet to his death. The roll of film was seized as evidence. http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-41.html?0101 BABY YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY 2000 Darwin Award--Confirmed True by Darwin The bodies of a young couple were discovered naked in the wreckage of a freak car accident in Italy in May. Investigators assume that prior to the accident, the couple was having sex in their small Italian vehicle while it raced along windy roads at upwards of 80mph. http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-21.html?0101 HORNET CHALLENGE 2000 Darwin Award--Confirmed True by Darwin A 53-year-old man with a reputation as a 'strong man' accepted a dare to stand beneath a hornet nest in Phnom Penh while two men pelted it with stones. He endured the pain of countless stinging hornets before expiring from the toxic injections, and his own machismo. http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-43.html?0101 RUNNING OF THE BULLS 2000 Darwin Award--Confirmed True by Darwin A Berlin woman attempting to capture a memorable photograph of the Running of the Bulls in Nimes, France paid for her stupidity with her life when she removed a metal safety barricade and strode into the street, camera to her eye, only to be trampled by an oncoming horse and six rampaging bulls. http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-20.html?0101 In the next newsletter: The Top 2000 Honorable Mentions! --- * * * Darwin Awards Newsletter -- 23 January 2001 DARWIN AWARDS HONOR THE REMAINS of those who gave their lives in a singleminded effort to improve our gene pool. This month we have a few short Darwins and a bundle of Honorable Mentions and Personal Accounts. Enjoy! - - - "A 27-year-old policeman fell to his death when he accidentally piloted a powerful speedboat over 165-foot high Loskop Dam near Johannesburg." Reuters, South Africa "A woman chasing a rat with a lit roll of paper set her bed ablaze and narrowly escaped from moke-filled apartment with her life at the Royal Beechnut Apartments in Houston.' ABC13 and KTRK, Texas "An off-duty Los Angeles police officer accidentally shot himself while cleaning his gun, and was treated for a groin injury at a nearby hospital." "People injured or killed in the Michigan firearms deer season include a Bay City man shot in the leg while trying to photograph his dog holding a rifle, which accidentally went off." 28 November 2000, Michigan Live --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ DARWIN AWARDS: EVOLUTION IN ACTION. "Don't leave the trees without it." http://www.darwinawards.com/book/?0101 --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ WEST VIRGINIA ALIBI -- Honorable Mention Confirmed True A Charleston bank robber's alibi for the crime placed him in hot water when he claimed to be buying heroin in another state at the time of the robbery. He gave them a hotel receipt and police searched the room to find 84 packets of heroin. Police decline to comment on Donald's fate. MORE HONORABLE MENTIONS: Ferguson 2, Thieves 0 http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2001-04.html?0101 Hunger vs. Fear http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2001-03.html?0101 Snow Bunnies http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2001-01.html?0101 - - - MEDIEVAL STORY -- 2001 Urban Legend As related by Tamas Polgar, who says, "During the late medieval years in Hungary, one of the oldest legends in our country took place. It may even be true." The city Paks (pronounced pa:ksh) was a little village in the 1600s and today is a small city boasting Hungary's single nuclear plant. In the past, the village had trouble with a neighboring village. They kept sending their cows to graze on Paks land, and vice-versa, knowing my ancestors. Once a foreigner attacked the Paks herdsman, beat him badly, and confiscated his cows. But this was not just any herdsman, it was the son of the mayor! The people of Paks took up arms -- or rather, work tools they could wield as arms. The result was a small battle between the two villages, in which dozens of peasants bit the dust. The brave Paks army retreated in defeat. The mayor of Paks, undaunted, ordered his men to fabricate a cannon to blast the enemy to smithereens. It was easier to order it than to do so, as they did not have the necessary tools and materials to build a cannon. "No matter,' said the wise mayor, 'Chop a tree down, and create the cannon from its trunk!" During the night the people of Paks created the first wooden cannon in history, ready for deployment. They towed it up a nearby hill, and the entire village gathered around to watch the victory. The Gunmaster loaded the cannon with gunpowder, put a large rock projectile in the barrel, pointed the weapon towards the enemy village and fired it... KABOOMM!! Twenty people near the cannon died, and many others were seriously wounded. However the mayor survived, and immediately issued a victory message for his people, saying: "If we have so many dead, how many can there be of the enemy?" --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ Sign up for the Darwin Awards newsletter! Email subscribe@darwinawards.com --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ THREE NEW PERSONAL ACCOUNTS: Uncle Rick's End http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2001-03.html?0101 Fleas of Fire http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2001-02.html?0101 Got a Match? http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2001-01.html?0101 ---