Darwin Awards Newsletter -- October 1999 THE DARWIN AWARDS What Are They? In the spirit of Charles Darwin, the Darwin Awards commemorate the remains of individuals who suffered fatal idiotic misadventures, thereby dousing our gene pool with chlorine. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Visit Darwin Awards at http://www.darwinawards.com/?1099 Subscribe! news@darwinawards.com (Subject: Subscribe) Cancel? news@darwinawards.com (Subject: Cancel) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SMARTER ANIMALS Darwin Awards Nominees (August 1999, Germany) A hunter from Bad Urach was shot dead by his own dog. The 51-year-old man was found sprawled next to his car. A gun barrel was pointing out the window, and his bewildered dog was howling inside. The animal is presumed to have pressed the trigger with its paw. Police have ruled out foul play. www.DarwinAwards.com © 1999 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Visit Darwin Awards at http://www.darwinawards.com/?1099 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ TOTAL MENTAL ECLIPSE Darwin Awards Nominees (11 August 1999) In Berlin, a 24-year-old victim of the eclipse was hospitalized with severe burns after he climbed a power pylon to get a good view and touched a 20,000-volt electricity cable. A 42-year-old man killed himself by watching the eclipse while driving near Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him stated that the man was weaving back and forth as he concentrated on the partially-obscured sun., when he suddenly accelerated and hit the bridge pier. He had apparently just donned his solar viewers, which are dark enough to totally obscure everything except the sun. A 40-year-old Colombian man killed himself after shooting his wife. His suicide note stated that the 11 August eclipse meant the end of the world. Note that Colombia was thousands of miles away from the path of totality. www.DarwinAwards.com © 1999 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Visit Darwin Awards at http://www.darwinawards.com/?1099 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ LOSE YOUR LICENSE? OVER MY DEAD BODY! Darwin Awards Nominee (Illinois)Jim had an elderly mother whose driver's license was about to expire. She didn't want to lose her license, even though her response time was so slow that Jim knew she shouldn't be driving. He decided to take her to an Illinois Driver Testing Facility, where she would undoubtedly fail the road test, and that would be that. On the day of the test, he picked her up and drove to the testing facility. It was a beautiful, sunny day. When their turn was called, he walked his mother to the car and helped her inside. The Driving Evaluator began to climb into the passenger side. At this point, Jim did something foolhardy. He walked directly behind the car, and stood about 10 feet away from a brick wall. Standing behind a car is something that should avoid even when there is a known GOOD driver in the car. His mother started the engine, stepped on the gas, and accidentally put the car into gear. Reverse gear. The evaluator suffered a broken arm. Poor Jim expired a few days later from internal injuries sustained in the accident. It all goes to show that sometimes, Mother does not know best. We attended the funeral, but his mother did not. To this day, she does not feel responsible for the accident, and says that it was Jim's own fault. www.DarwinAwards.com © 1999 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Visit Darwin Awards at http://www.darwinawards.com/?1099 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SINK THE CUE BALL Darwin Awards Nominee (Scotland) A 23-year-old painter was known locally by his friends as 'Death Wish' because of his reckless behaviour, which included smashing glasses on his forehead and swallowing keys and glass. The police described him as "of good health physically but of low intellect." He was generally regarded as a bit of a fool, and resorted to such tricks in an effort to increase his social standing. Frequently he would take a pool ball and "swallow" it, then regurgitate it. The man had successfully performed this trick on many occasions by keeping the pool ball at the back of his throat, or pharynx. This was made possible by the unique size of a pool ball. One day, a typical day in many respects, he was seen consuming large quantities of draught lager. After closing, the publican readmitted him to continue illegal drinking with his friends. As the evening dragged on, he was seen to place a cue ball in his mouth. He had done this so many times that his behaviour did not cause any concern. But this time, he soon appeared to be in difficulty. His friends tried to intervene, but he ran out of the pub and collapsed in the street, rapidly turning blue. Neither his friends or an ambulance crew could save his life. What went wrong? On this occasion, Death Wish had elected to swallow a cue ball. He wasn't aware that a cue ball has a specific property that makes it perfect for getting lodged in a pharynx. A cue ball is smaller than a pool ball, so that it can be automatically recovered whenever it is potted. Unfortunately, our Darwin Award contender wasn't aware of this fact. A cue ball is 4.75cm in diameter in the UK, while pool balls are 5.03cm. This is only a small difference in diameter, and it makes little difference in appearance. The beauty of this death, and the problem for Death Wish, is that a smaller diameter causes an exponentially lessens volume. A cue ball is 10.52 ml smaller than a pool ball. In his efforts to prove he wasn't a fool, Death Wish disregarded common sense and simple mathematics, and lodged the cue ball in his pharynx. www.DarwinAwards.com © 1999 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Visit Darwin Awards at http://www.darwinawards.com/?1099 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Read more ludicrous stories on the website! Lights Out! Sink the Cue Ball Mania Strikes Back Intelligence Blunders Driving Miss Daisy Sauna Kills Monk Wet Will He Roller Coaster Show Off Bridge Over Troubled Waters Cleaning the Head Self-Mutilation Overkill II +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Visit Darwin Awards at http://www.darwinawards.com/?1099 Subscribe! news@darwinawards.com (Subject: Subscribe) Cancel? news@darwinawards.com (Subject: Cancel) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++