= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER - December 1997 = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = TABLE of CONTENTS: A MESSAGE FROM WEBMASTER WENDY BOY IGNORES MOM FOR THE LAST TIME SAGUARO CACTUS ENCOUNTERS NEW ENTRIES FOR 1996 DARWIN AWARD RUNNER UP VOTING TALLY - 1997 DARWIN AWARD WINNER THEFT AND THE PAWN SHOP SELECTED COMMENTS AND CRITICISMS = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = A MESSAGE FROM WEBMASTER WENDY Welcome to the inaugural issue of the Darwin Awards Newsletter. During the past month, our membership swelled from 0 to 164 members. A few bits of trivia about yourselves: we have 22 members from AOL; Hotmail is a close second, with 16 people utilizing their free mail service. Most of you (80.2%) like the Logo! 17% of you leave me a message, and wow, most of them are favorable. Thanks, you're a great audience. Some of your messages are reprinted later in this newsletter. By popular demand, I have created a "locate your favorite Darwin Award" page at Look here before asking about the JATO story or the guy who strapped WEATHERBALLOONS to his armchair. If anybody knows how to install a free search engine, please step forward! The Awards could really benefit from one. Great news! We have a new contender for the 1997 Darwin Awards: A boy who won't listen to his mother, and finds out how fatal that can be. Feel free to use this cautionary tale as a tool of persuasion with your own children. Talk to you again in January when I will bring you the final election results! -- Wendy = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = BOY IGNORES MOM FOR THE LAST TIME 1997 Darwin Awards Nominee A boy fell 200 feet to his death moments after his sister told him to stop fooling around near a cliff edge, an inquest was told yesterday. Jamie Underdown, 10, fell from Seaford Head, East Sussex, while out walking a dog with his sister Jemma, 12, and two friends. It was the first time he had been allowed to go to the cliff without an adult and he had been warned to be careful by his mother, the inquest at Eastbourne was told. Despite the warning, Jamie was playing close to the edge, pretending to fall and shouting for help. Jemma said in a statement: "I kept telling him if he played too close to the edge he would fall over and die. He kept calling me 'Bossy Boots'. He didn't listen." Jasmine Rowson, eight, who was also on the cliff walk, said: "Jamie slipped and he was trying to get back up. He was hanging on to the edge. I touched his hand and went to get Vicky and Jemma but they did not believe me. I went back and he slipped and fell." Jamie's mother Sandra is now campaigning for the local council to fence off the cliffs where he died. She told the inquest: "I was told I was an over- protective parent so I started to let him do things. The last words I said to him were: All right, do not be long. Be careful." The coroner, David Wadman, said, "One has to take a practical viewpoint. It would be a substantial operation to fence the entire cliff in East Sussex. "This was a lively young lad enjoying himself and showing off perhaps. He was fooling around and at one stage he was even tragically aping the disaster that was to occur a few moments later." -- Michael Fleet, Electronic Telegraph, 22 April 1997 = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Vote for the winner! We encourage nominations, corrections, criticisms. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = SAGUARO CACTUS ENCOUNTERS Darwin is still relentlessly searching for the facts regarding the man who was impaled by the Saguaro Cactus he was shooting. There is a tantalizing hint that the story was published in Playboy Magazine. Anybody out there willing to track down the story in their back issues? You'll receive bonus kudos from Darwin! In the meantime, enjoy one man's confrontation with a cactus. "I've had an experience myself with the instability of one Saguaro cactus. Years ago in northern Mexico, we were drinking beer in the desert and entertaining ourselves by exploding very crude locally made fire-works. They were large triangles of multi-layered newspapers filled with some kind of explosive, with a fuse emanating from one corner. The explosions were satisfyingly loud. One of us threw one of these explosive devices and it happened to land at the base of a Saguaro, where it promptly exploded. This particular cactus, which was well over 12 feet tall, just fell over. Fortunately, none of us were in its path." -- Contributed by Mark Kraby = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = NEW ENTRIES FOR 1996 DARWIN AWARD RUNNER UP 1 - Freak Accident in Cotton Patch, Arkansas 2 - Hungry Python Kills Owner 3 - Cigarette Lighter Triggers Fatal Explosion Visit our website for full details: = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = VOTING TALLY - 1997 DARWIN AWARD WINNER A clear front runner is emerging! The escapade at the Metallica Concert clearly rings a bell with all you rockers out there, but it's getting plenty of heat from the Hedonist Air Pumpers. I had predicted some flames for the grotesque description of their sexual game, but no, you sick puppies surprised me by propelling the Hedonists into the number two position! There is still time for the Little Boy Who Ignored Mom to battle his way into the lead. Democrats do it, Republicans do it, we can do it too. Get out the Vote! Polls close at Midnight on December 31st. 51.0% - Misadventure at the Metallica Concert 34.3% - Hedonist Air Pumpers 11.9% - Bungee Jumper 1.4% - Scrap Metal Thieves 1.0% - Clumsy Canadian Burglar 0.5% - Poor Driving Runs in the Family Other Election Results: DarwinAwards Site Rating 62% say 100% 36% say 75%. 90% overall score (graceful bow of acknowledgment) 53% of you arrived here through Word of Mouth! 16% of you just tried www.DarwinAwards.com. (smart cookies) 10% of you came by way of Yahoo! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = THEFT AND THE PAWN SHOP The following legend is currently unattributable; nevertheless, it is a fine illustration of the spirit and pathos of the human condition. Two teenage boys, from Elkins W.V, decided to have some sort of adventure. First, the boys robbed a pawn shop, taking several guns. But, the pawn shop just happened to be right in front of the Sate Police Station. Next, the boys stole a truck. Later the boys were arguing over who stole the truck, the oldest deciced he would scare the boy by pointing one of the guns at the other, in which he assumed was unloaded. But it turned out that when he pulled the trigger, the gun WAS loaded. One shot to the head killed the 15 year old boy. Later, the stolen truck was found in the bottom of a river, all the guns in the cab. -- Contributed by Laverne H. Higgins = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = SELECTED COMMENTS AND CRITICISMS Darwin reads all your comments, and deeply appreciates the insights you share. Below are a few particularly pithy observations Darwin found amusing. Dr. Kelly mutters, "What a sadistic little website. To take pleasure in the misfortunes of others. I love it! But coupled with the automatic date rejection generator, this adds up to one deeply disturbed mind. You must be a biochemist. By the way, my secret credit card number is 510-0068-9937-2240 and my pin is 9872. Please don't let anyone see these." Someone with the strange handle of Unabonger contributes, "This is one of the few sites that exemplify the true stupidity of the human race!!" "One thing, you should create a mailing list so we can receive these articles everyday! Secondly, you should get a little more creative with your LOGO, make it bizarre, as your site is one of the most that my friends and I have ever seen." A budding webmaster opines, "I love the site -- I gave it to my web design professor as an example of clean execution, readability, and original and appropriate Java. I doubt she understands the humor in the content, but I think it's great." Finally, a man from Boeing warns, "Remember, these people are professionals, do not attempt these stunts at home." = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER - December 1997 = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Visit our archives! Next issue arrives January 1998 with the Election Results! To unsubscribe, please reply to this email with the word "cancel" = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =