(personal account) The Terrible Teakettle Incident, extracted from a
letter, first time on public view. Enjoy!
Sunday morning I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, put the kettle
on, prepared the cups, and whilst waiting for the kettle to boil I thought
I'd fill my lighter. Got the lighter fuel out, but it was a bit low and
quite cold, and it didn't pour well. When this happens, I usually run hot
tap water over the can to warm it, but as I already had hot water in the
kettle, I decided to steam it for a minute or two.
You can see where this is going, can't you? Wish I had! But I had not yet
had my tea, so...
I balanced the can on top of the kettle, leaving the kettle lid open. Then
I got distracted and the next thing I heard was the sound of the kettle
boiling furiously. I turned around just in time to see the fuel container
disappear into the mouth of the kettle.
I thought, "Oh dear me!" (or words to that effect) and rushed over to
switch off the kettle and s I pressed the switch the can let go with a
mighty BANG!! The kettle was instantly transformed into bright yellow,
sharp-edged, lethal plastic shrapnel.
A few moments after the explosion, I regained my senses sufficiently to
realise I was suffering from a deep gash in my thumb, a couple of possibly
broken ribs, and one little finger swollen up like a Newmarket sausage.
The microwave had a bloody great dent in the side and the kitchen looked
All this time, Lynda had been sitting in the dining room watching the
telly. "What the ?#@!ing hell was that?" says she.
"The kettle exploding." says I.
"How the ?#@! did that happen?"
"The gas can fell into it."
She: "How did the friggin' gas can get into the friggin' kettle?"
Me: "Erm, it was like this..."
Anyway, out she trots to survey the damage, and she says, "If it was the
friggin' gas can that did it, where is the friggin' gas can? " At this
point I hadn't realised that the gas can had left the scene of the crime, I
looked left - not there. I looked right - not there either. I looked up.
"I think it went thataway!"
There was a neat 50mm hole punched straight through the suspended ceiling.
I moved the ceiling panel and found a ragged 75mm hole in the artexed
plasterboard above. With the aid of a torch, I could just see the scorched
remains of the can jammed up in the joists, minus top and bottom but
All the while, I had been bleeding copiously over the remains of the
kitchen. I put a plaster on my thumb and had a look at my ribs, which were
not broken but sported a kettle-lid-shaped bruise. When I realised that I
wasn't seriously damaged & that the house was not in flames, I looked
around and saw the funny side and p*ssed myself...! Lynda however was not
amused. No sense of humour, some people.
I did think to grab the camera, so I have the proof!
[[Darwin says, ask Gareth if it's his story; the link was not accessible without a login/password.]]
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Submitted by: http://overthegate.myfreeforum.org/about8874.html
Reference: Personal account by Gareth Lewis