Charles Darwin's Darwin Awards 
HOME
Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
Recent Slush
Camera-shy Mum
Calais man dies after setting off f
Down the rabbits hole
Triple selfie with the train
Explosive device detonated on head
zipline (flying fox) thriller ride
SPIDER BURN BURN BURN DIIIIEEEE!!!
Dies asphyxiated waiting to vote
Faster than a truck
Two Men Jump into Empty Gene Pool
Man takes selfie with rattlesnake
Gored to death taking selfie
Set Your Car (and You) On Fire
Fitness Guru Tries to Outrun train
Bigfoot Hoax Ends in Death
A Fisherman story
Horny couple die in 40ft plunge aft
Penile Penetration
Sugar Baby Loses Her Sweetness
Two Cottonmouth Snakebites
Swordfishing
Mind The Fall!
DIY Electric Chair
Man drowns while trying to swim acr
Rattlesnake Selfie
Fireworkers in Austria
Wow a cute bear... say cheese
This guy tried twice
Hot Ride
Selfie in air
Seriously Bad Moon
Croc's got your (golf) balls
Bridging the gap...
Artist covered in plaster, almost d
Australian Lunatics Narrowly Avert
Ripe tomato
Bullfie
Parajoke on Paraglide
Narrow Miss in Darwin, NT
hiker dies in extreme cold
vacuum cleaner fireball
Man arraigned at hospital
Stowaway & lit cig sparks bus fire
Yaris v. Challenger II Main Battle
Prophet fails to rise from the dead
Bison Injures Woman Posing for Self
Propane lawnmower moron
Tanks a lot
Bedbugs Ablaze
Unwanted Hitchhiking.
Full Darwin to follow shortly?
Man Electrocuted in Substation
Man hides Loaded gun up his ass
Fire and Ammunitions don't mix
Man pleads guilty in South Bend Rus
Dumbwaiter death
This man should be put in the “At r
top bloke topped himself
Man puts firework next to head, die
Empty tanks, emptier head
Pagan self-sacrifices
Amateur Knife Throwing
Fatal Bob at the end of the bob run
Garbage fire goes ballistic
"My Anaconda Don't Bite"
electrocuted to 132,000 volts
Rambo? More Like RamBONED
Shark Surfer
Man killed by pet Hippo
Avoiding the baggage limits
Frozen Solid
Dog's best friend
He's in hot water now
In Kiev, Pavement meets you!
Ants in the wrong place
Hot Lips
Johno Holten in hospital after agre
The Sad Truth of Crispy Coppers
Moving Sheet Metal
Why did the chicken cross I-670?
shocking assumption
Dry Ice in Alaska?
not play with high voltage
Fun Tourist Activity
toppled the wall
Flamming lips
Spiderman. Not.
peroxided
How My Brother & I Became Adults
Super Slide
Gender Blender
N.J. hiker took cell phone pix of b
what goes up comes down - near miss
The #djchallenge Reveals his Idiocy
Older Slush 
 
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum
Home

  

Darwin Awards
2009 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

How My Brother & I Became Adults

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

They say that you must not mix with bad company. My Older Brother & I were each other's bad company, so we couldn't avoid bad influences during our development. There are too many stories to fit here, but here are a few.

A very nice family, the McGregors, had just moved next door. To protect us from the animals in their yard, (or was it vice-versa) they erected a metal fence between us. Now we can still visit by merely entering through the gate at the front of the yard. Since that would have been too sensible, we chose instead to swing over on the branch of the tree by the fence. Erold went first, slipped and fell astride the fence which cut into his leg inches from the Family Jewels. The wound went untreated (we couldn't tell Mom & Pops) so he still has the wide scar as a reminder. If you wish a confirmation, his phone # is [deleted]

A circus came to town. We were enthralled. I tried the trick on the swing where the acrobat lets go while standing, fell face down unto the rocks below our swing.

The Family moved to a more affluent neighborhood into a split level house in Forest Hills, overlooking our Capital City, Kingston. We made parachutes out of Jute fabrics and jumped off the roof of our house, 25 feet to the concrete driveway below. They didn't work. We tried Mom's large bedsheets. They didn't work either. Neither did Pop's big umbrella.

Circus came to town again. We perfected the tight-wire act on our mother's clothesline without injury (never fell even once). Got bored with it and so decided to try it on the barbed wire fence that separated us from a yard that sometimes had a very vicious horse grazing in it. Again, never fell even once. However a visiting friend Donald Forrester decided to try it. He was chicken. wouldn't do the fence so we all climbed onto the clothesline. He didn't even make two steps. Fell onto a rock below and bit clean through his lower lip.

American Family moved next door. Kid had a contraption called a wagon. We had never seen one in real life before. Only in Dennis the Menace comic books, on T.V. and in the movies. Their driveway had a steep enough slope and a right angle turn to the garage -concrete walls. If you miss the turn, you fly off the driveway onto rocks five feet below. After several successful trips in this wagon (not falling off or colliding into the reinforced concrete wall) we became bored again and did future rides facing backwards.

Why we survived to become adults is a mystery to me. Fortunately, our offspring have not shown any signs that they have inherited any of those genes, but I am worried about our future Grandchildren.

Submitted on 09/11/2008

Submitted by: Dennis M. Gilman
Reference: None. Didn't tell Mom & Dad until we grew up

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
Love it! Hate it!
>> Moderator Scores <<

Candi said:
Definitely Toss: Other
Sorry, but unless proof is provided you and your brother were over sixteen when these events happened, we can't accept this. Sorry, and submit again! (And sorry for the glitch that caused this to get caught in the submissions; it should be fixed.)


Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I think these qualify as PA's. Attempting to tight rope walk on barbed wire sounds like the height of stupidity to me. At least your friend was smart enough to not attempt it.


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Congratulations, you survived to adulthood! Very amusing PA! Thanks, Dennis!


The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

The Darwin Awards Condom

Keep yourself out of the gene pool!
A condom in a matchbook, useful for emergency contraception, bachelor parties, frat parties, and important rites of passage. LOADED inside and out with funny quotes and stories. Everyone loves this item!
Friends don't let friends reproduce!
$13 for Pack of 4

 

 

Slush Pile
Slush Pile Rejects

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend