I can say, this is a wonderfully written account of stupidity. READ ON for a good laugh, Gulf War soldier-style. Thank you, Pier."

Hi guys, i love your site. I submit a story (and suggest a title). Sorry for my bad english, please feel free to edit. Hope you enjoy.

Regards,
Pier

REVERSE DARWINISM: TOO STUPID TO DIE

This happened during the first war of the gulf (1991), the protagonist is a young man from my hometown.

We knew that the-bad-guy Saddam had chemical weapons in his arsenal, so our proud soldiers (in mainland Italy!) were given a NBC kit which basically consisted in a face mask and an athropine-filled sirynge.

A digression: how could Saddam deliver a chemical weapon in Italy, 5000 km far, since (with his makeshift missiles) he was barely able to break some rocks in the israeli desert, and maybe wound some stranded goat, remains to be explained.

But, you know, the soldiers must be kept ready and trained even for the most unpredictable events, so here comes the NBC kit.

As the war goes on, the atmosphere in the italian barracks starts to become boring: Saddam is too busy to deal with some divisions of U.S. tanks that are devouring the desert like enraged devils heading Baghdad, and the supposed retaliation with the chemical weapons isn't happening.

Which is the best way to boast the morale of a bunch of bored comrades? Watch a porn? Wear the mask and run trough the corridors pretending to be Darth Vader?

No, better to fire the athropine syringe right in oneself leg, and let the others see what happens.

Another digression: this kind of syringes are designed to be fool-proof (supposed to be used by a person whose senses are impaired by a chemical aggression), they are fully automatic, all you have to do is to smash the device on your leg while pressing the top with your thumb: a spring-loaded needle jumps off and injects a massive dose of antidote directly in the blood stream.

The anthidote is a sort of last-resort measure, and is itself a poison, if injected in a body that is NOT under chemical attack.

My fellow happened to be too stupid to die: he managed to keep the syringe UPSIDE DOWN: when the needle martially stood up, it injected the poisonous fluid right in his THUMB (a periferical an poorly vascularized zone of the body).

Fortunately for him (but not for the gene pool) the guy survived due to medical care.

And he can be, RIGHT NOW, in the act of reproducting.

Submitted on 08/21/2014

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I guess your comrade did a good job of proving that even a fool-proof device can be used improperly by a true fool. Thanks for the entertaining story!

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I think you did rather well with your writeup. Thanks for the snicker-inducing story!

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