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Luftwaffe Lackwit

2013 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I'm a very big history buff and have a lot of history books in my personal collection, mostly focusing on the Second War. In one particular book, a memoir of a Luftwaffe fighter pilot, he related an incident in which a fellow pilot nearly won a Darwin Award during the Battle of Kursk.

"Our first port of call after departing the forward landing ground had been Orel-Main. This was the scene of a prank which could have had serious consequences. The hangars at Orel-Main had already been prepared for demolition before we arrived there. We discovered another of the airfield's lesser amenities situated not far from our assigned dispersal area. This was a typical German water-closet, or Klo, which in those days could be found in many a garden back home. It was a small wooden structure, not unlike a sentry box, but with a door on the front which, as was customary, had a small opening near the top cut in the shape of a heart. It was a little piece of Germany in the middle of Russia, and much more civilized than our usual outdoor 'thunder-boxes'.

But when a pilot of I Gruppe came across a petrol drum nearby still full of fuel he announced, "The Klo has got to be prepared for demolition as well." Whereupon he opened the door of the little hut, rolled the drum inside and started attacking it with a pick-axe until the petrol began to gush out. He then came out, closed the door carefully behind him and lit a small rolled-up piece of paper. He stuffed this home-made torch through the heart-shaped hole, but nothing happened. He tried a second time - still nothing.

We shouted at him to stop playing the fool, the petrol could go up at any moment. But he wouldn't listen. For his third attempt he picked up a complete newspaper, set light to it, went up to the door and pushed his hand holding the blazing paper through the opening. There was one almighty bang and the whole lot exploded. But our hero was lucky. The door shielded him from much of the blast, although he received severe facial burns and had to be rushed off to hospital. There he was luckier still. It was decided that his injuries were not the result of self-inflicted wounds - which would have meant an automatic court-martial - but of plain stupidity."

I must comment that the penalty for self-inflicted wounds at the time was execution. Also, as the war started to go south, the German military started getting stricter and stricter with how it dealt out punishments. If our genius had pulled that stunt a year later, he most likely would not have survived the inquiry.

Submitted on 10/23/2013

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: "Luftwaffe Fighter Ace: From the Eastern Front to the Defense of the Homeland" by Norbert Hannig '04

Copyright © 2013 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
He unloaded a full fuel drum in a small enclosed space and didn't expect the inevitable results? Sounds like a winner in my books. Thanks!


Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
Not just stupid, *spectacularly* stupid. Thanks!


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