Slush Pile: Resilience

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Resilience

2013 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

This story does not qualify for a Darwin Award in any way that I’m aware of, but I would like to tell an example of the durability of the ‘less than intelligent’. This is a true story told by my father who knew the man personally. We’ll call the man Sam. Sam was a farmer in a semi-rural part of south west Florida, near the town of LaBelle. He was known as a tough and all weathered kind of fellow. He worked hard and could take long days in the Florida heat without any trouble, even while wearing is signature pin striped overalls. He was known for not making the best of decisions, but even more so for his ability to survive a self-caused trauma where an average man would likely succumb to it. He once cut his face with a chainsaw while trying to collect fire wood, splitting his glasses in two and actually grooving into the bone on his forehead, which he survived with only some mild scarring. But, that is another story. On a typical, torturously hot, summer day in southern Florida, Sam was out on his tractor cutting weeds from his pastures. This process was, and still is, typically done with a tractor. The tractor had a brush cutter, also knows as a bush-hog, behind it. A bush-hog is powered by the tractor via a shaft from the rear of the tractor down to the top of the cutting deck. This is known as a PTO shaft, and it rotates at high speeds in order to produce enough force to cut thick brush and weeds. I shouldn’t have to point out to the reader of this story that this process of ‘bush-hogging’ weeds can be dangerous if precautions are not taken to stay clear of the large spinning shafts or huge cutting blades. Standard procedure is to disengage the PTO shaft well before ever getting near it, or off the tractor for that matter.

Sam, who was never one for precautions, stopped the tractor and jumped down without turning off PTO. His intention was a reasonable one, I suppose. He wanted to kill a rattle snake he noticed while cutting. He grabbed a shovel he kept in the tractor and proceeded to chase after the snake. He followed it around the front of the tractor, which was running in neutral gear at full throttle, and towards the rear tire. When the snake crawled between the tractor and the bush-hog (directly below the PTO shaft), Sam was in hot pursuit. Without hesitation he stepped his left leg over the spinning shaft. Before Sam knew what had happened, his pin-striped overalls became tangled in the shaft. Within seconds Sam found himself on the ground, naked, bloody, and holding one of his testicles in his hand.

When the PTO shaft ripped his overalls off, it took his shirt, underwear, and both testicles with it. One of the testicles had been completely severed. The other was still attached, but not in its ‘pouch’ where it should be. Sam lay there holding it, cleaning on to his right to the gene pool. The next part, I believe, shows the resilience of Sam’s genetics.

Sam, now naked, battered, and without half of his manhood, picked himself up and walked nearly a mile back to his house. He was promptly taken to the hospital where he was sent to surgery. The doctor was able to put his one remaining ‘marble’ back in the bag, and as with so many other times, Sam made a full recovery. To top off this crazy story, Sam, who already had one son, was able to produce another son after the incident. Of course that son reproduced, as organisms tend to do. His son, Sam’s ‘post-incident’ grandson is about twenty five now, four years younger than me. Although Sam is now dead, from cancer I believe, the bloodline will likely continue. I would note that from what I’ve seen from the grandson’s decision making skills, he is one to keep an eye on for a possible At Risk candidate.

Submitted on 03/02/2013

Submitted by: Steve
Reference: Eye witness account from approximately the late 1960s

>> Moderator Scores <<

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Good. Friggin'. Lord. As a personal account... wow. Thanks, Steve!

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I'm speechless... Thanks for an amazing story, Steve!

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2013 Slush Pile

Resilience

2013 Reader Submission Pending Acceptance

2013 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance