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2013 Slush Pile

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A Family Affair

2013 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

My fiance, who I'll call David Roth from MCRD Parris Island in January 2013. In the days before then, my in-laws and I reported to NUMEROUS session about safety for our new Marines, citing that they are the most vulnerable to dumbassery, injury, and death in the first 24-48 hours following graduation. We were told they are NOT to drive a motorized anything, including mopeds and especially motorcycles and muscle cars, and that they were not to engage in any risk taking behaviors, such as drugs, binge drinking (especially if you're underage, but if you allow your underage Marine to drink, they'll look the other way as long as he doesn't get caught), or performing risky stunts. We were assured that David and his fellow Marines were being instructed as we were as we spoke.

Apparently, this message was lost on David. Immediately after graduation, he requested to drive. He got a solid no from everyone, and I knew he was going to be a handful, given his stubborn nature and adrenaline addiction, inherited from his father.

I was right, about the wrong person.

During the first twenty four hours, I personally drove David wherever he needed to go somewhere and no one else would. I didn't let him jump off of things, I even made him eat more than cliff bars and tacos. Unfortunately, I can't watch David ALL of the time.

While I was taking a nap, David got up and went to the room where a family that our family is really tight friends with were. His father was there. When I woke up, my brother in law led me to the room, and outside are none other than David and my father in law, Wilson.

I showed up and David turned around and smiled at me, and said, "Watch this, babe!"

My heart plummeted.

It is now worth noting that the hotel we were staying at had a balcony leading to the second floor that one with sufficient jumping ability and upper body strength could jump up, grab the floor of, shimmy up the bars of the railing, and climb on to.

Someone gave them a signal to go, and that is exactly what they did, or rather, what David did and Wilson attempted to. David jumped, grabbed and shimmied, and climbed over the railing with no problem.

Wilson, on the other hand, jumped, grabbed, shimmied, started to climb, lost his footing, and fell approximately twelve to fifteen feet to the ground, and limped away, swearing, with no other serious injuries.

It is also worth nothing that you're liable to receive serious injury falling from as high as you are tall. Wilson is six feet tall, which means he fell from just over double what he is tall. He could have easily ended up a Darwin, instead of an At-Risk Survivor.

Submitted on 01/22/2013

Submitted by: Alex White-Roth
Reference: 2013 Personal Account

Copyright © 2013 DarwinAwards.com

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James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I've known my share of Marines (having served as a Naval Officer and a National Guardsman), and what you say is true...but it does seem to rub off on others as well! An amusing PA! Thanks, Alex...and take care of him, will ya?! :-)


Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
: facepalm: This is... oh wow. Thanks Alex! And please keep us posted in the future. ;)


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