My first tale comes from Long Island, New York, on a trip to visit my fiancee and her family. It was a typical October afternoon, so everyone had gone to work. With nothing better to do, we decided to go into a local park to hang out. Since it was October, everyone was either in school or at work, so we were the only ones in the park.

The playground there had a type of springboard that a child could sit and bounce up and down on. Being young and in love, and eager to impress my bride-to-be, I uttered those famous last words, "Hey watch this!", climbed onto the springboard, and prepared to jump.

The plan was to bounce around on my feet a few times to get some momentum going, then leap into the air and land on my feet in front of my amused lady. But apparently I had not factored in the point that this was children's playground equipment, and I was a fully grown adult.

As soon as I took off, mother nature must have decided to remind me of that important fact, because both of my legs shot out in front of me in mid-air, and I landed horizontally onto my back and head. For a few minutes, I was unable to breathe, and light was dancing around in front of my eyes.

Thankfully, I landed in the sand and not on the concrete walkway surrounding the area, nor did I plant my face into the metal jungle gym ten feet away, but I did walk away with a fractured ego and a sore back. Plus I got that "What were you thinking?" look from my fiancee for a few hours.

My second story is from Memorial Day the following year in Williamsburg, Virginia. My mom and I had decided to host a barbecue for the servicemen in our community, and we were very excited. I was especially giddy because I was looking forward to using a barbecue grill on my own for the first time. I had attended cookouts before, and I worked with a grill under close supervision, but never alone.

To be festive, we had brought out an American flag-patterned lawn chair that I would sit on while the grill was getting hot. I had done everything right as far as the grill was concerned. It was only after the coals were lit that I started making dumb decisions.

To make sure the coals got hot, I needed to add more lighter fluid to the grill. Unfortunately, I had chosen to do this while sitting in the above mentioned lawn chair, which I had conveniently placed DIRECTLY in front of the hot grill, with five-foot flames shooting out of it.

My mom started fussing at me to get away from the grill, so I stood up. But now I had a new problem: the soft earth under the lawn chair had shifted under both its weight and mine, and I stumbled, not only nearly knocking over the grill and starting a fire, but also nearly making myself the main course as I fell towards the coals.

Luckily, I was able to steady myself and walk away, but it was close. I haven't used a grill since.

Hopefully these tales will provide a great lesson to someone else, not only about making smarter decisions, but about not taking life for granted.

Submitted on 09/12/2012

Submitted by: Andru Wright
Reference: 2009-2010

Copyright © 2012 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Sounds to me like you're extremely lucky you didn't end up doing a face plant into a pile of burning charcoal. Thanks for the amusing stories, Andru!

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Or with a broken back. Thanks Andru!

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