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Proof funnel web spiders don't jump

2012 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I only realised recently that I am long overdue for a Darwin award myself. I have submitted many stories about others and, indeed, have a family history documented with Wendy about my father (he lived not to receive an award). It was only when my kid was telling the science teacher about my exploits with funnel web spiders that I realised I myself, in the eyes of others at least, should be nominated here. For those of you who are not Australian, the Sydney funnel web spider is the most poisonous spider on earth. The male is 5x more poisonous than the female, just for interest. In the 1970s there was at one point debate about whether these interesting and rather large animals can jump or whether they just lunge at what they want to attack. Another interesting sideline is that they can bit through leather boots - their fangs are over an inch long and very strong. I am well aware of all this because I have grown up with them (as have many Sydney siders) on the edge of the national parks. (One of the best things about Sydney, seriously).

Anyway, my kid, age 8 at the time, was discussing the spider with the science teacher.

"My mum says they definitely don't jump. She has proven it to us, she's known this since she was my age!" "Oh, how interesting, how does she know? Does she work with them?" "oh no, she showed us... she got a long grass reed and tickled the long strings of web coming out of its funnel... it can lunge but it can't jump, otherwise we would have been bitten..." It was at this point in the story my kid was telling me that I realised two things. Firstly, in retrospect I probably shouldn't have been conducting my own research into this. Secondly, I probably shouldn't have shown my kids how to do it. However, they are very sensible (more so than I) and have never tried to copy me. History doesn't record the science teacher's response to this, apparently the conversation ended there...

Submitted on 05/24/2012

Submitted by: Dr Davida Kiernan
Reference: personal experience

Copyright © 2012 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
So essentially you figured out these spiders can't jump because you're still alive? Gadzooks! I hope you're scientific process has improved a bit now that you're a doctor. Thanks for the amusing story, Davida, and I must say I'm glad I never ran into one of these things when I visited Sydney...

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
What Bruce said.

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