been reading darwins for years and have decided to add a few of my own memories for the readers.

my top 5 unintellient idea's: 1: speed exiting: exiting the house as fast as possible with as much alcohol as you can carry and be the first to the beach side less than 50m away.

one particulary unintelligent night while drinking with my mates and their place we decided to have a game of speed exiting. normally i lost because i happen to be the tallest and i usually grab two cartons. this time was going to be different i swore.

i organised the trampoline outside my mates room to be angled towards the nearby beach side so i could jump off the roof and jump the wall leading to the beach and be first.

i grabbed my normal two cartons and dropped them onto the trampoline about 3 seconds before i leapt.

little did i know that the trampoline had been moved and angled towards the house so his little brother could use it as a rebound net.

as i hit the trampoline i was launched bac k into the side of the house, collecting the double window and the dining table with my back.

broke my back in 9 places and caused internal bleeding but did not recieve any major lacerations.

2: house vaulting:

using a bungie cord and dozer to catapault onesself over the house using a tree.

the test runs for the plan worked perfectly with no miss haps. i thought this plan was full proof and that i would land happily in the pool on the other side.

the idea went perfectly... at the start that is.

i ended up being heavier that the bin int hat i did not get enough height and not enough height meant that i sailed straight into the second stories gutter. i ended up with 3 cracked vertebrea in my back and multiple lacerations to my side and head.

3: gravel surfing:

tie a wake board to the back of a car and drive at speed down a gravel road and go surfing on it, and stand up if possible.

~ now you thinking that this is a stupid idea and garunteed to fail but you are wrong. many days were spent surfing happily. it was only when i thought to my self that id liek to go faster that i learnt a very improtant inertia lesson.

IF BOARD STOPS MOVING SUDDENLY YOU WILL KEEP GOING. i ended up hurtling into a fence line at 75 km/h, to this day im still missing pieces of my calf muscle and bits of my kneecap/shoulder pad.

4: tractor surfing. grab two tractors and drive them at speed across paddock, stand or sit in various positions and still control the tractor while also cutting the crop.

my best friend managed to lay on the tractor bonnet and steer with his feet while looking upsidedown. not to be outdone i decided i could sit in the bucket on the front and steer with string. while i was attempting this and he was attempting to do something similar neither of us noticed the tractors were very close and heading towards each other.

needless to say, 2 tractors, 1 foot, 1 leg, 4 ribs were all broken this day in one way or another.

5: extreme trampolining grab tractor or truck inner tyre tubes and have fun.

leaping off roofs, off cars, out of trees and off trampolines was simple fun to do with the inner tubes. one of my more unintelligent ideas was to line up 9 tubes and see if i can run from the house across them and jump the 3 metres down to the trampoline which would catapault me over the nearby houses power line which entered through the garage 5 metres from the trampoline.

as i hit the last stack of three tubes i tripped and fell the three metres straight down onto the trampoline which catapaulted me into the side of the garage wall. sliced open both arms, right thigh, slight head wound and managed to slice open my chest.

now i have kinda learnt my lessons from my past but every now and again i have another idea and end up with even more scars to add to the collection.

Submitted on 10/11/2011

Submitted by: sam klein
Reference: various dates

Copyright © 2011 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
You're REALLY bucking for an award, aren't you!!! Thanks, Sam, quite amusing!

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
One of these days you're going to go all the way in your quest for a DA! Please make sure your family & friends know well in advance to submit your eventual demise to us for consideration! Thanks, Sam!

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