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Trying hard to win a Darvin Award

2011 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

The 1986 story "catapult glory" reminds me of Luigi, dad of my friend Luca (in Trento, Italy), a record at-risk survivor. Like in catapult glory, a violent storm knocked down a large pine across the dirt road leading to Luigi's house. In some strange way, the fallen tree slipped its top under a big rock at the other side of the road, in such a way that it formed a large and nice arc over the road, an arc whose curvature should have clearly suggested how much elastic energy it stored. Luigi didn't consider the opportunity of warning the forest guard service to get rid of the pine blocking the road. He proceeded hastily and autonomously, grabbing his chainsaw, climbing with the aid of a ladder up to the highest point of the arc and he started cutting the curved trunk. He choosed to start the cut from below, moving the chainsaw upwards. Luigi had already cut more than half of the trunk section, when the trunk abruptly broke apart and the two now-free halves were lauched upwards by the freed energy. The chainsaw was trapped between the tops of the two half trunks. Luigi, a stubborn man, did not let go and he followed the two trunk tops, and the chainsaw, in their fly upwards. In a fraction of second the two half trunks found a new equilibrium position now forming a triangle, with the vertex several meters from the ground. At the vertex, a chainsaw was trapped, with the motor on, a screaming and trashing man was attached to the chainsaw. Finally, Luigi's could not hold the chainsaw anymore and let go falling onto the ground right under the chainsaw. The miracle is that the chainsaw remained trapped and did not fall on Luigi's head witj the motor on. The final result were some minor injures treated at the hospital a call to the forest guards. Luigi survived, but his brain continued to work in the same

way. It came the time of grass cutting and he extracted from his garage his brand new, splendid, and heavy grass cutting machine, the type of machine with wheels, that you Push forward with your hands. The terrain around Luigi's house is very steepy and Luigi, instead of proceeding horizontally, decided to do it vertically: he started from the upper side of his grass field, moving downwards. Luigi does not consider elastic energy, and he does not consider gravity either. As soon as he released the machines breaks, the heavy machine immediately staryed its run towards the bottom of the field, accelerating constantly. Luigi did not let go, he never does, hands firmly holding the handles and running hard to follow the machine and trying to stop it. The machine, dragging Luigi, reached the end of the field but curiously it did not stop its race. After crossing some spined bushes it launched itself (and Luigi) on the road three meters below the field border, and it crashed there. No cars were in sight at the moment. Luigi survived, but he has to receive a ratheblong treatment in the hospital for several traumas and numerous and deep scars everywere (the bushes). The final episode is about the new stove that Luigi wanted to install in his house. The problem was the smoke pipe that had to reach the roof crossing the pavement of the first floor. Luigi is autonomous: he first made a hole in the pavement. So far so good. Then he instructed his son to push, from he ground floor, the pipe through the hole. Luigi directed the operation from the first floor, speaking through the hole. Unfortunately, the pipe got stuck in the hole. Luigi shouting through the hole ordered his son to push harder. The son shouted back "shall I try now dad?" Luigi, shouting though the hole: "yes, now, are you deaf?" the poor boy pushed as hard as he could, the pipe abruptly found it way through the hole and met Luigi's face at full speed. After a long treatment at the hospital, Luigi has now a unique perfectly circular scar, diamater about four inches, in his face, rounding his mouth and nOse.

Submitted on 09/14/2011

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Various dates from 1990 to 1995

Copyright © 2011 DarwinAwards.com

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Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Oh... my... goodness... this guy apparently comes from the Wile E Coyote school of thought... or maybe Daffy Duck.

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
This really does sound like the sort of thing you'd see in a Bugs Bunny cartoon... Thanks!

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