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Darwin Awards
2011 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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Aqua Balls

2011 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

So, I'm in the military and thus live on a military base and in military barracks. This being the case, I have a roommate who was not at all of my choosing. Now, this guy is a truly one of a kind individual. Not only does he look ridiculous but he is a profound alcoholic, he has the hygiene of a homeless three year-old and he is a pathological liar. This guy takes pride in finding ways to sham out of work but this story takes the cake above all others. We had a field exercise coming up in a few days and no one was looking forward to it, especially my roommate. He was actually having a debate with one of our fellow soldiers about whether or not he would be able to get out of the exercise. This then turned into an argument about who was the bigger shammer. Well, my roommate, not to be outdone, said "you think you can sham better than me, watch this!" He took a hypodermic needle, that he had intended to use for steroids (even though he doesn't work out), filled it (100cc's) with water and proceeded to inject the water into his scrotum. It took not even 10 minutes before his scrotum started swelling until it go to be almost the size of a baseball. We took him to the emergency room where it was determined that he had hydrocele testis, a condition where there is an accumulation of clear fluid inside the tunica vaginalis. Now typically a hydrocele is not caused by injecting water into one's scrotum as it was in this case and typically a hydrocele is harmless, there is a surgical procedure performed to drain the fluid and then seal back the tunica and that's that. Also typically, a hydrocele doesn't affect fertility. Well, in my roommate's case, his hydrocele managed to get infected and the simple surgery to drain the fluid turned into a surgery to remove one of his testicles and thus rendering him sterile. And if there is anyone I've ever met who needed to be sterilized more than anyone else, it is my roommate, so I thought it Darwin Award fitting that he rendered himself sterile and with only one testicle by injecting water into his other one, all just to get out of a 2 day field exercise.

Submitted on 06/19/2011

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference:

Copyright © 2011 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
That's a pretty extreme way of getting out of performing ones duties. Sounds like we have a definite contender here!

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
My dad was an army drill sergeant. This guy's lucky he never crossed paths with him. Thanks, and submit again!

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