Wendy says, "Accepted into the Archive. Great personal tale of affliction."

(At risk surviour)

Ah well, here goes then....this is me, shamed for ever!

This is an extract from a letter I sent to Gareth while he was on holiday, a few years ago, other than a few personal bits clipped, this is exactly as written...........

This is the first time this has been on public view, enjoy.........

"...............Sunday morning, went to the Kitchen to make a cup of tea, put the kettle on, prepared the cups & whilst waiting for the kettle to boil I thought I'd fill my lighter up with gas.

Got the lighter re-fill can out & tried it, but as it was a bit low & quite cold it didn't work too well.

Now usually, when this happens, I run the hot water tap on the can to warm it up a bit, but as I'd already got hot water in the kettle I thought I'd steam it for a minute or so (you can see where this is going, can't you? Wish I had!) so I balanced the can on top of the kettle, leaving the kettle lid open of course.

Then I got distracted & the next thing I hear is the sound of the kettle boiling furiously, I turned around just in time to see the lighter fuel disappearing into the kettle.

oh.gif

I thought "O, dear me" (or words to that effect) & rushed over to switch the kettle off, as I pressed the switch the can let go with a mighty BANG!!!

- & the kettle was instantly transformed into bright yellow, sharp edged, lethal, plastic shrapnel.

After a moment or two I realised that I had a really deep gash in my thumb, it felt like I had a couple of broken ribs, my little finger had swollen up like a Newmarket sausage, the microwave oven had a bloody great dent in the side and the kitchen looked like Beirut.

All this time Lynda was sitting in the dining room watching the telly,

:q10:

"What the ?#@!ing hell was that?" says she.

"The kettle exploding" says I.

She - "How the ?#@! did that happen?"

Me - "The gas can fell into it"

She - "How did the friggin' gas can get into the friggin' kettle?"

Me - "erm, it was like this…………"

Anyway, out she trots to survey the damage & says:

"Well, If it was the friggin' gas can that did it, where is the friggin' gas can? "

At this point I hadn't realised that the gas can had left the scene of the accident,

I looked left - not there...

I looked right - not there either...

I looked up and said "I think it went thataway!".

There was a neat 50mm diameter hole punched straight through the suspended ceiling.

I still couldn't see the can so I moved the ceiling panel over & found a ragged 75mm hole in the artexed plaster board above .

With the aid of a torch I could just see the remains of the can jammed up in the joists, a bit scorched & minus top & bottom but otherwise undamaged.

All the while I had been bleeding copiously over the remains of the kitchen so I got a plaster on my thumb & had a look at my ribs, (which had a perfect, kettle lid shaped bruise) and checked that I had no other injuries.

When I realised that I wasn't seriously damaged & that the house wasn't on fire I just looked around again & saw the funny side and p*ssed myself ........

Lynda however, was not amused - no sense of humour, some people.

I did think to grab the camera & got some good shots, so I have the proof!!!!!!!!!!!

Submitted on 01/15/2010

Submitted by: Gareth Lewis
Reference: http://overthegate.myfreeforum.org/about8874.html The story is halfway down page one, and photos a

Copyright © 2010 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
Let me get this straight - you warmed up a can that likely contained pressurized butane by putting it over a steaming kettle? I'm speechless, and you're darned lucky you didn't end up with a full DA nomination. Thanks, Gareth!

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
What. were. you. THINKING!?!

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