Darwin says, "Accepted into the Archive." Medical, woman, snake.

I just submitted "Really SLOW Motorcyclist" for Darwin's perusal, gleaned from the Ventura Star, a story of road rage gone terribly wrong. I was trying to explain the nuance necessary for a truly good Darwin Award to the E.R. personnel with whom I work since (incredibly) they had no notion of these prestigious awards and the extraoridinary effort it often takes to win them. As an example I referenced a rumor of a truly bizarre occurrence in our own little hospital from the recent past. No kidding, there are three of us on duty today, and the other two were both present on Mother's Day 2008 when a poor woman was brought in having suffered a venomous snake bite to her right hand: The 53 year old was strolling with her family in celebration of the holiday when she spotted a small brown snake that she mis-identified as a Garter snake. To her credit, everyone invloved who saw the snake's body agreed that it had no rattles, but the fact that it SHOULD HAVE is indesputible. She was bitten appropriately on the middle finger. The immediate pain and swelling alerted them to the fact of a serious envenomation. This is all too common a story, but what ensued I think raises its value to Darwin Honorable Mention consideration.

Our little City has a well-deserved reputation as a hotbed of alternative healing, unique lifestyles, and philosiphy. Still, it surprised the E.R. staff to hear the family's account of how they treated mother: Someone in the group had heard that Tasers would somehow counter the effect of a rattlesnake bite. Unfortunately, this family did have access to a Taser weapon and shot their mother. It didn't help, and when the pain and swelling of her arm continued advancing, they did the only sensible thing: They shocked her again. With little else in their armamentarium, or perhaps running low on batteries, they brought her to the emergency room. There they expressed considerable dismay that the staff proceeded to administer I.V. vials of Crofab (antivenom) and admit her to the I.C.U. All ended well, except for the snake, rendering this just an anectdote amongst the truly sad stories collated by Darwin.

P.S. This story and details are about as close to violating HIPPA (Healthcare Information Privacy and Portability Act) legislation as I dare come, without suffering severe potential liablity. As I said, there are three of us on duty today, as any other day, and the identities of the other two can be easily discerned from the oficial records. Hospitals have become extremely sensitized to the leaks of information about celebrities or anyone else for that matter.

Submitted on 08/11/2009

Submitted by: Gordon Clawson, MD
Reference: Ojai Hospital Medical Records, May 11, 2008

Copyright © 2009 DarwinAwards.com

Candi said:
Definitely Toss: Other

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
A Taser as a cure for a venomous snake bite? Where do these crazy ideas come from?!?!? Thanks for sharing it with us, Gordon!

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I'm with Bruce here. 100 years ago, people drank "radium water" as a cure-all, but no one knew much about radiation. We know PLENTY about tasers. I fail to see the correlation here, and I think the good people in this new-agey town put too much peyote in their peanut butter! Thanks for submitting this one, Doc! :-)

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