This doesnt qualify for a darwin award, as the protagonist survived and (unfortunately?) sustained no significant damage to his genitalia. However, the incredibly innovative and utterly stupid thinking that led to this near-miss makes it a keeper.

Ever since the most ancient times, man has mastered the art of flushing one's bowels. The first attested medicine was presumably a laxative and even the monkeys probably know one or to ways of safely purging a clogged rectum.

Not the case of our 40 year old man from Romania. Heavily and chronically intoxicated with hard alcohol, he suffered from a bit of constipation, so he decided to up his fiber intake eating a jar of cherries. Healthy thinking, only popping the seeds out of the cherries proved too much of a challenge for our hero, so he proceeded to ingesting them whole. Needless to say, the cherry seeds did no good to the situations, and his intestines became thoroughly blocked. This is when our man decided to take more energetic action.

He proceeded to insert a glass pint handle into his rectum, to "pop the cork", and a rusty iron hammer head, to "crash the cherryseeds", as he later explained the doctors in Emergency. A few hours later with these objects in his rectum and having noticed no improvement, he decided to up the ante: he took a wooden-handle steel hammer, and inserted it into the rectum along with the other objects, not before having it tied with a string for easy removal. However, hours later, the removal proved nothing but easy when both the string and the wooden handle broke. Three more days passed before he was rushed in into Emergency in critical shape. The following colon surgery removed a glass bar, two hammer heads and a chip of wood from his rectum. Doctors claim death was imminent, had he waited one more day before calling for help.

News url: http://stirileprotv.ro/stiri/eveniment/vai-de-fundul-lui-a-vrut-sa-scape-de-constipatie-cu-ciocanul.html

Submitted on 07/23/2009

Submitted by: Dinu
Reference: Pro TV, 21.07.09

Copyright © 2009 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
If it was just the cherry pits then I'd chalk it up to simply being too drunk to care and not necessarily idiotic enough for an award, but Gadzooks what was he thinking using hammers, glass, etc. in a misguided attempt to solve his problem. I only wish I could have seen the looks on the faces of the doctors when they recovered all this paraphernalia from inside him. Thanks, Dinu!

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
Eeey-yuck! Alcohol + brain cells = slime mold

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