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Darwin Awards
2009 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

I can say I told you so!

2009 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Wendy/Darwin says, "From a doctor who knows a doctor who attended... Accepted into the Archive as a medical personal account."


ORIGINAL SUBMISSION:

As a disclaimer, this story only qualifies as an honorable mention but as you will soon find out, it took a literal miracle to prevent this man from taking home the grand prize. While working my summer job at the University of Iowa's oral surgery clinic one of the doctors relayed the almost non-believable story of a patient he had treated the previous day in the emergency room.

A man in his late 20's had been having an arguement with his wife in their car while driving down the highway at sixty m.p.h. They were involved in a one car accident in which the wife was unscathed, but her husband sustained two broken legs, multiple rib fractures, a broken arm, a broken collarbone, and "the worst facial trauma" the 55 year old oral surgeon had ever seen. Wondering how there could be such a fantastic difference in their injuries, the surgeon decided to ask the wife a few questions after he and a team of 6 doctors spent 8 hours trying to put this man back together like humpty dumpty. "We had to put his forehead back together like a puzzle, intermixing pieces of bone and metal plates," according to the surgeon.

Apparently the man and his wife had been arguing about the man's reckless habits or more specifically, his love for "street skating," as he and his friends called it. In an activity almost too absurd to exist, the participants get a vehicle going a good speed, sometimes up to 20 or 30 m.p.h., and open the door, hang on for dear life, and drag the soles of their feet on the pavement. The wife began the argument in the car that day by using her sane mind to tell her Evel Knievel wannabe husband that he was going to get killed willingly jumping out of, hanging onto, and dragging from moving vehicles. He obviously did not like being told what to do, so he set out to prove to his wife that this activity was, in fact, not dangerous.

In one of the most...

Traveling at 60 mph in a car he was driving he opened up the door, got a good grip, and hopped out. Forgetting that he was currently traveling at 2-3 times the speed he normally does for this assanine stunt, his feet immediately caught the pavement and were pulled out from under him. But no, he did not fall from the car there. He held on long enough for the out of control car to roll into the ditch and for him to come into face-first contact with a telephone pole at near full speed, stopping his progess faster than an auctioneer could spit out, "IcansayItoldyouso." Miraculously this champ will live to fight another day with a fully functional, or at least as functional as it was before the accident, brain as he sustained no lasting brain injury.

Submitted on 07/08/2009

Submitted by: Conor D
Reference: Personal account - 7/7/09

Copyright © 2009 DarwinAwards.com

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Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Let's see...the wife was unhurt, the loss of control over the car was probably a result of her reaction to his jumping out of the car, and a little forethought could have avoided the whole scenario, I'll vote to keep this as a PA. Just when you think stupidity has reached its pinnacle, someone raises the bar. Thanks, Conor D!


Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
But did he finally admit to his wife that she was right? Thanks, Conor!


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