1. Motor racing

2. Driving like a lunatic on Her Majesty's Highway

3. Or........... crushing down recycling rubbish in a large wheelie bin........?

Can you see where this email is going yet? Last Saturday afternoon, the wife and I were tidying up in the garden and the recycle bin was a bit full. Undeterred, I pulled the bin on its wheels into the centre of the driveway and using an old upturned beer crate to elevate me to the height where I could climb in and use my 15 stone ballast to good effect by jumping up and down. Unfortunately, having never had a trampoline as a child, I got rather carried away and suddenly found I'de compacted all the junk to the bottom of the bin, whereupon I found that I couldn't get out again without it crashing over........

With the deft precision of the chubby chap that I am, I managed using my superhuman biceps, to lift my bum cheeks onto the safety on the top edge of the bin. While I was figuring out how to lift my legs up and out of said capitivity of the recycle bin, I forgot about Newtons Law of Polar Inertia that states "Fat bloke in bin will always come off worse".... Oh dear........

In the blink of an eye the bin keeled over Throwing me out in the process....... and I landed on my back, across the very crate that had assisted my entry into the bin in the first place........... To say I was winded would be an masterful understatement. The wife said I was blubbing like a big baby as I was hurting a lot. That was Saturday afternoon and shortly thereafter I was admitted to the Kings Mill Hospital with two broken ribs, a third one fractured, deflated left lung, partially ruptured spleen - that thankfully stopped bleeding after 6 hours otherwise I'de have been in deep deep do do..... and a very bruised left kidney. I was kept in Adult Intensive Care for 24 hours and then spent the next three days in a hospital ward for comedy accident victims.

I've just got back home from the hospital after the wife took a special route home over every speed bump in Nottinghamshire just to see if it was still hurting me. I've had fewer injuries racing cars........ perhaps I should stick to that and avoid any gardening duties hereafter............

Falling out of wheelie bins. Its not big and its not clever and it hurts like sh*t.............!

Ex Pro Racing Driver

Submitted on 02/25/2009

Submitted by: Iain Morton
Reference: ady.stimpson@ntlworld.com

Copyright © 2009 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Wow! As I was reading your description I never would have guessed that you managed the amount of damage to yourself that you eventually did. Thanks, Iain!

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I like the comparison of the damage caused by falling out of the recycle bin as opposed to racing cars! Thanks, Iain!

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