Both these stories happened in an apartment I used to live in with a few other (insane) people, even if I wasn't there to see this happen, I guarantee these stories to be true because I was there soon after to see the damage and hear the stories first hand (in a "what the hell happened here, I go out for a few hours and you burn the house" kind of way). It seems also worth mentioning that these two people are highly educated adult persons, from the best local universities. Of course, names were switched to preserve the (little) remaining dignity.

It might seem like a long post, but it will be worthy of your time.

1/ The candle cap

After a long night of partying and quite a few drinks of Cachaça, a kind of brazilian Rhum, a friend of mine who we'll call Paul, arrived home to notice that the power was cut because our other room-mate forgot to pay the bill. Now, why he needed light just for taking his clothes off and falling into the bed is still a mystery for us to this day, but he surelly felt like he did, and found some slim candles in the kitchen. After lighting it up, he went to his room where he immediatly realized he needed something to put the candle on; that's when he found a beer cap. Yes, a beer cap.

Using a beer cap to hold a candle is so moronic I don't even know what to say about this.

Very happy because he wouldn't have to go back to the kitchen in the dark to find a support for the candle, he than fixed it on the cap and put it ON HIS BED, a highly unstable surface. That's when he fell asleep. 10 min later, as he described, he started to dream about hell and fire, it was feeling hot and not breathing so well. He woke up to see his bed on fire, as well as the adjacent closet.

A call to the fire department from the house keeper who saw the smoke from downstairs and a few hilarious firefighters later (Paul was still wearing only his undies as his clothes were all burned), he was lucky enough to get only minor burns, but the apartment was quite trashed from the fire and firefighting that went on that night. We obviously had to toss the bed, which belonged to a previous not so happy roommate.

Now comes the really funny story.

2/ Johny Boy and the amazing THC extraction device

Johny Boy also just got home after a long night of party and cachaça drinking. But Johny wasn't satisfied. He wasn't wasted enough. He had to make some weed oil at 4:30 in the morning, so he could smoke it and finally reach that higher state of inebriation he was looking for.

The method we used for making THC oil was pretty simple: we had to mix marijuana with 99% pure alcohol (ethanol), with our hands, until the alcohol went completely green. After that, we would filter this mixture and keep only the liquid; because the remaining weed is completely dried out of its THC, we just toss it. The remaining liquid is put on an aluminum recipient which is heated using a bain marie method (how we found out it had to be a bain marie after this mixture exploded at another friend's face is another almost darwin, but I'll leave this one for another occasion). The alcohol evaporates slowly, living only a thick weed oil with a very high THC concentration.

Well, for our pleasure, that night Johny Boy decided this procedure took too long. After all, it was already 4:30 in the morning and Johny had more drinking to do the next day. Unleashing the MacGyver in him, and feeling very creative after all the cachaça, he came up with a plan to, as he put it, "industrialize the production". The plan consisted on using a mixer to make the mixture, instead of his hands, while already heating the water for the bain marie on the stove. With this method, the oil would be ready in no time.

The only problem was that our old mixer, tired from making all kinds of bizarre drinks, was in a really poor state with no cover and a very loose base. But that was just a minor detail for Johny Boy, that he immediatly overcame by deciding he would just cover the mixer with both his hands, putting enough pressure on it to make sure it wouldn't fly out of the base.

Drunk Johny Boy + MacGyverish insight + old loose mixer full of pure alcohol + lighted gas stove, we can all see where this is going, but we all cherish the graphic details - so here they are:

Of course, the mixer came off it's base as soon as johny turned it on, throwing alcohol and weed all around the kitchen, and of course igniting the hole thing when the first drops of alcohol felt on the stove fire. A great ball of fire followed, setting Johny's right arm and t-shirt on fire, as well as great part of the kitchen. Now, we have to give it to Johny, he had the reflex of running for the fire extinguisher (surprisingly, he even chose the right one, remembering from previous darwin attempts that water fire extinguishers where useless in those cases) and managed to extinguish the kitchen fire, as well as the fire on his arm & t-shirt.

Amazingly, again, the only consequences were minor burns for Johny and a very ugly mess to clean up in the kitchen.

Hope you enjoyed these stories. It's amazing we are all still alive.

Submitted on 11/19/2008

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Personal Stories, 2005

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Suggestion: Keep your friends away from any open flames and highly flammable materials! If they're ever anywhere near such materials then stay VERY far away from them. Thanks for the stories!

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
This is certainly an argument against excessive drug/alcohol abuse! These were very funny stories! Thanks!

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