Darwin says, "Accepted into the Archive."

While serving in the Marine Corps, a group of Marines were able to locate some surplus parachutes that have been taken out of the active circulation by that point and were good for nothing more than using the silk chute for shade in Iraq or finding some midsummer mischief.

The afternoon started out by popping two of the chutes and seeing who could run about 100 meters fastest. The Marines became incredibly bored with that in no time and decided to attempt more daring adventures with the parachutes. Of the idea's, the most prominents were either jumping off the top of the barracks or attempting to paraglide off the back of a truck on VA beach.

It was decided that jumping off a three story building wasn't a wise idea, and the time it took to drive to the beach didn't satisfy our immediate gratification. This led to a sudden idea from a Marine that had recently been watching drag racing video's on the internet. Why don't we deploy a canopy off the back of a car while driving?

Though this would have caused no more damage than a missing bumper with proper planning, it almost cost one Marine a premature death.

In the intrest of saving time, the Marines attached the chute to the driver instead of to the car. The driver then buckled in to ensure that he'll stay were he is while the chute deploys. The shoot, was then tossed out of the sun roof.

The first two runs were a failure since the chute didn't catch enough air to expand. After a brief moment of thought, the Jarheads grouped together and held the chute partially open behind the eclipse. The driver, now pumped full of adrenaline, decided that more speed wouldn't hurt. The engine reved up, and the clutch was popped.

Now, the stretch of road that this was being done on was no longer than 200 yards, but it was the longest drive ever taken by that Lance Corporal. As soon as the chute pulled forward with the car, it quickly expanded to its fullest. Within seconds, the Marine driver was lifted out of his seat so dramatically, that any loose 550 cords attached to the canopy pulled taunt so quickly they caused lacerations in his arms.

Suddenly considering the seatbelt a smart move, the young Marine was suspended in the cabin of the car, with only the seatbelt holding him from being pulled out of the sunroof. He decided he has had enough fun and attempted to disengage the clutch and break the car. However, being lifted so high in the cab, he couldn't reach both at the same time. What seemed like an eternity of being pulled in different directions, and the fear of running into barriers another hundred feet infront of him, the young man realized that he had a legit chance of being the next "Dumb Marine" that killed himself by accident.

He finally was able to shift his leg far enough to press the clutch and pulled the e-brake to stop the joy ride. The car stopped suddenly, not bearing the sound of screaching tires, but of fiberglass being cracked and bent.

With the car stopped, he expected that he would slowly float back to his seat and make a hasty retreat from the death trap. Instead, he remained there, stuck to the roof of the cab. The car was turned off, seatbelt removed, and he finally struggled with releasing and slithering out of the parachutes five-point harness.

The observing Marine ran up to the door helping to pull him out with only a fearful laugh that people get after riding a roller coaster. Once out of the car, the driver saw what had caused the rest of the guys a gut wrenching moment. From their view, they could see the canopy float violently behind the small car swaying from side to side. The instant the driver had pulled the e-brake was when the chute caught a jersey bouncer barrier next to the buildings. This is what kept the lines tight, keeping him suspended. The loud cracking noises were the sounds of the cords compressing the sunroof into the top of the car, and breaking the spoiler loose from the trunk door. It didn't take long to realize that another foot or two, the Marine would have been either pulled out of the tiny sunroof, or crushed between different forces of the moving vehicles seatbelt and stopped parachute. A sailor that witnessed the stunt from the E-club came running out with disbelief in what he saw. "Are you trying to get a Darwin Award, Marine!? Why did you do that." One of the nearby Marines answered in the most matter of fact voice, "We got bored."

Submitted on 11/10/2008

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: May 2003

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Bored Marines can be very dangerous Marines (mainly to themselves). Thanks for a humorous story. I could see where part of the story was leading but not the whole thing!

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I agree with Bruce! I expected trouble from the deployed chute but I didn't forsee it getting stuck! He got the car stopped just in time!