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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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Passed the Too Dumb to Work Test

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I'm the HR Manager for a large Defense Contractor with a contract maintaining a large fleet of military vehicles in California. We're in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and while we haven't had any heat casualties, we annually see a lot of incredibly dumb behavior that indicates that the employee either comes from a long line of first cousins or the heat's got to 'em. Given the nature of the local communities, I'm betting on the cousins.

Two recent events sum things up perfectly. The Mojave is home to a number of venomous reptiles, called snakes. Two really bad-tempered snakes are the Mojave rattlesnake and the Sidewinder. Most of our work is done in large mechanics bays with concrete floors. A sidewinder was wandering around not so long ago during daylight hours, which is rare for a snake. It decided to get out of the sun, and headed into the shady maintenance building, taking up residence in the middle of a by on the nice, cool, shady concrete. It was a young snake, which means that the venom is concentrated. Along comes one of our idiots, sees the snake, and yells, "Snake!!!" Observant. He then picks the thing up and carries it outdoors.

Why he wasn't stung is beyond me -- if there is a God, he's definitely taking care of fools these days.

However, that was topped a couple of weeks ago. One of our mechanics was working underneath a piece of heavy equipment. He was out of the way, and decided to smoke while he was working. Violation of work rules? Sure. He was spraying pressurized, highly flammable cleaning solution on the built up grease and grime, and the stuff caught fire, severely burning his hand. It also didn't do a lot of good for the vehicle. However, when questioned, he denied smoking, saying that his lighter, in his pants pocket, accidentally sparked, while he was spraying the stuff...trying lying on your back and reaching up above your head. If you can figure out a scenario that results in your hand catching fire, you're a contortionist.

We haven't had anyone kill themselves yet, but everytime I think of that, I find wood to pound on. Given this sort of nonsense, it's probably only a matter of time.

Submitted on 09/01/2008

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference:

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
LOL!!! I agree with the first cousins hypothesis!


Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Sounds to me like it's only a matter of time before one of your employees gets nominated for a DA. Please do let us know when that happens!


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