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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

blasted dog

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

In Australia you get a great range of mongrels, many of which are dumped (especially the larger dogs). Some bright farmer in the country decided to breed a dog as big as a Great Dane, as fast as a greyhound and with the tenacity of a bull terrier. In outback Australia these are called 'pig-dogs' or ''roo-dogs' and are used for hunting down unwanted wild animals that wreck the grazing land.

Meet Ben. He has the size of a Great Dane, the speed and line of a greyhound and (this is where it went wrong...)the love of humans that bull terriers have, and to top it off, their enthusiasm with it. Ben loves people and is quite untrainable - this must have been obvious to his owners and hence he was dumped as a puppy. I got him at 4kg at 6wk of age and 2 months later he was 25kg. He is now 45kg and can put his front legs on a 6ft 4inch high man's shoulders. Anyway, I will proceed to attempt to admit both myself and Ben for a Darwin award.

When Ben was almost fully grown I thought it would be great to show him the country, where the wide open spaces enable him to run free etc. Bearing in mind that the last time I ran Ben I got knocked unconscious and dragged 20 metres into scrub (I weighed 60kg) I didn't fasten the lead to my belt this time. Instead I held the lead. Normally this would be safe (and Ben is not at all aggressive). However, I underestimated the power of animal instinct and distant memories.

Ben was delighted to be in the country and tore off a short distance to the nearest paddock (me running with him initially but then not attached to the lead, of course)to introduce himself to the horse. He did. The horse galloped around the carral, Ben chasing him easily. Ben jumped onto the horse's back, pulling at its blanket. Ben was certainly doing what he had been bred to do... I was dodging in between them, trying to grab Ben's lead, avoiding hooves as the horse reared over the top of us, slipping over in the mud etc. The farmhouse dogs were barking like crazy but thankfully were locked up.

After what seemed like forever Ben went flying into me and we both hit the mud at about 40km/h - finally the horse's hoof had its mark. I was fully prepared for the farmer to shoot us both, but luckily the farmhouse was empty and the cars gone. If that weren't the case, I suspect both Ben and I would be up for the full Darwin award.

I submit this story with the acknowlegdement that I have most certainly almost been taken out of the gene pool now twice (as documented) and should qualify as at least a near miss Darwin.

Submitted on 04/25/2008

Submitted by: Kiernan
Reference: personal

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Tying the leash of a 45kg dog to your 60kg frame certainly wasn't a smart thing to do. I'm glad to hear you didn't try it a second time, but as far as I'm concerned that's more than enough for a PA in this case. Thanks for the story!


Tracy said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Like the sound of this dog :-) At least you're sensible enough to learn from your mistakes :-)


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