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2008 April Slush
Priest in balloon is blown to ocean
Priest Visits boss
Off to heaven
More details on the missing priest
Sky Pilot Priest Balloon Bye Bye
Balcony jumper wanted to test himse
(DA)Intravenous Birdseed Man
(?)Pedestrian Killed on Barlow Trail
Off to Heaven
Boys Will Be Boys
(?)Four Wheel Drive
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On The Road Again
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Look Before You Leak
ice diving instructor misses hole
HM:Battered Sausage
He wasn´t the Hulk...
Bonfire Night
Crank it up a little Virgil
DA:A Screw Loose...
(?)cutting up gas tank
Mr
Huntingdon Man Shoots Himself in L
A "Hot" Idea.
Guns are not effective bee killers
In over his head...
Crushed crooks
Drunken Idiot Falls from moving SUV
Chloroform and Sex Don't Mix
Man dies from mercury poisoning aft
Snakeskin Bracelet
Beer, baseball, and an escalator
blasted dog
A New Take on Car Surfing
Groin ... groin ... gone
toasted Grenade
No balls No brains
battered and bruised member
Drunk Motorbike riding ends "split"
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Drunken Construction Worker Death
Possible Copper Theft Leads to Elec
Electrocuted stealing live wires
Teen sneaks out, plunges 11 floors
Skateboarder Crashes into Bus
Train hits man peeing on track
no through road my ass
Parrot rescue ends in disaster
Teens, Bonfire and Gas
Banned for Life
Man runs himself over with U-Haul.
man falls into mt st helens
A+B+C=almost DA idiocy.
Caution: Flammable Material
See how fast I can go!
Jumping From Bridge To Train
Tree Ride Gone Wrong
Now promoted to higher position
Thief burnt to death
Man killed by 11,000 volts
I dare you to jump
Reach out and touch a tree
Stuck for a 'pee'?
The Campout Pyro
Racine man dies while climbing at w
Fatal Boat Party Tragedy
Detonator's Radio
Bubba's Electrical Service
Man drowned after jumping into lake
Earth Day Gone Wrong
Cuddling with the crocodiles
Blown Lung
heat sink fire
virginal birth - NOT
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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Battered Sausage

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Darwin says, "Accepted into the Archive (near miss)"


ORIGINAL SUBMISSION:

Our young hero sought my professional medical advice accompanied by his even younger girlfriend. Both were agitated and highly concerned. Upon entering the room, our hero dropped his pants immediately, asking my opinion on an immensely swollen, dark purple penis. Doing my best to defuse his anxiety I asked him what happened. He couldn't speak. His girlfriend replied "Nothing, we woke up this morning and it was like that!"

I proposed to them three things:

1. It would not drop off.
2. It would get better again.
3. oral sex can be dangerous!

Yes, this was a young man who, with the aid of his girlfriend (who was almost as strong as a vaccuum cleaner)had severe barotrauma to his most important anatomical structure. Another near miss for the Darwin awards - the night before he almost allowed his girlfriend to remove him from the gene pool!!!

Submitted on 04/05/2008

Submitted by: Vivienne Miller
Reference: 2005 approx

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
While the results of consensual sex between two people sounds like a violation of our self-selection rule I think this makes for an amusing enough PA. That girlfriend must have one hell of a set of lungs!


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Well, Doc, I hope you took the young lady aside and gave her a little friendly advice! :-) Of course, I'll betcha the boyfriend is a bonehead who can't feel pain! Either way, I'm glad it all worked out for everyone concerned, and it was quite amusing as well! Thanks!


Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest

Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.
$15
The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head!

123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more.

Autographed by Author!

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