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2008 April Slush
DA:Priest in balloon is blown to ocean
DA:Priest Visits boss
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Balcony jumper wanted to test himse
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(?)cutting up gas tank
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Beer, baseball, and an escalator
Crank it up a little Virgil
He wasn´t the Hulk...
No balls No brains
Huntingdon Man Shoots Himself in L
battered and bruised member
A "Hot" Idea.
Guns are not effective bee killers
Boys Will Be Boys
Man dies from mercury poisoning aft
In over his head...
Drunken Idiot Falls from moving SUV
A New Take on Car Surfing
Groin ... groin ... gone
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Man accidentally shoots self in che
DA:Off to Heaven
Teen sneaks out, plunges 11 floors
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Train hits man peeing on track
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Teens, Bonfire and Gas
Skateboarder Crashes into Bus
Banned for Life
A+B+C=almost DA idiocy.
Parrot rescue ends in disaster
Man runs himself over with U-Haul.
Caution: Flammable Material
See how fast I can go!
Jumping From Bridge To Train
Now promoted to higher position
Drunken Construction Worker Death
Thief burnt to death
Tree Ride Gone Wrong
Drunk Motorbike riding ends "split"
Man killed by 11,000 volts
man falls into mt st helens
I dare you to jump
Reach out and touch a tree
Fatal Boat Party Tragedy
Stuck for a 'pee'?
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Racine man dies while climbing at w
Detonator's Radio
Bubba's Electrical Service
Earth Day Gone Wrong
Man drowned after jumping into lake
Cuddling with the crocodiles
Blown Lung
heat sink fire
virginal birth - NOT
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The Eye and the Testicles
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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Caution: Flammable Material

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

As was blatantly said in my tale "Alcohol and me don't mix", I intend to continue to prove that me and alcohol are enemies, at best. At the age of 19, in the middle of my drunken college adventure, I sat bored in a friends dorm room late at night with a few others toasting Early Times whiskey and throwing back some Natural Ice beer. Being with the guys, we weren't too humble to prove our manliness by letting flatulence permeate the air while raising our hands to proudly claim the gaseous expulsion. However, I intended to take this one step further and as I "felt one coming on", I grabbed my lighter, rolled on to my back - legs in the air - and let out a boom that put out a nice sized flame from my crack when combined with the flame of the lighter. It was all laughs for a second before everyones eyes grew wide. You see, the problem with lighting ones flatulence is that (while not exactly the smartest thing in the first place) clothing is flammable. But to add fuel to the fire, I wasn't just wearing any piece of clothing but flannel pajama pants. You know, nice, soft, flammable cotton with lots of fuzzies hanging off to make for the perfect tinder. Well my friend began to slap at my tender areas and it wasn't until the 3rd or 4th slap that I looked down and saw the flames surrounding my crotch (I already told you, I'd been drinking pretty heavily!). Now aware of the danger I grabbed a nearby towel and rubbed out the flames. Again, I narrowly escaped the Darwin legacy. I was not killed, nor were my twigs and berries burned beyond repair. Nonetheless, let this be a lesson to all of you methane pyromaniacs, cotton+spark=fire. Furthermore, let me always remember the golden rule - alcohol and me don't mix.

Submitted on 04/02/2008

Submitted by: David D.
Reference: Myself

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Good story! Thanks David. Let 'er rip, just don't let 'er burn!


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Brother Benjamin Franklin is often attributed as having said, "fart proudly". I certainly concur, but DO please be more careful next time! :-)


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