Charles Darwin's Darwin Awards 
HOME
Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
2008 January Slush
(UL)Roping A Deer
(Hmmm)Tiger, not lion, kills 1, injurs 2
(DA)Slippery When Wet
(DA)Pulled into the abyss
(Hmm)White Spirit IS Flammable
(?)VA Man Shot to Death While Beating
(DA)Not a Shred of Sense
(DA)Chest Piercing Electrocution
(?)Un-happy slapper
(?)Need for Speed
(?)Great Balls of Fire!
(?)Had big balls.
(?)Rich and Overconfident
(DA)Sneaking Across
Conveyor belt outlasts runner
(?)Let Me Get a Better Look!
(DA)A series of Im-Pined Events
(HM)Home Made IED
(?)Graffitists drown in storm drain
Skier dies after triggering avalanc
Do-I-Yourself Shock Therapry
MANS BEST FRIEND???
Rafts, Rivers, Cement and Bridges
Woman attacked twice by shark
Picnic Lunch
Holy Flaming DOH!
gangsta guns & fireworks don't mix
The high cost of gas
Police: Man Shot Himself In Genital
Auger to Heaven
Drunken driver saves beer
(NO)Disabled man turned himself into hu
Miami of Ohio University...
(?)Jumbolair Airborne BMW
Fire up the BBQ !
(several)
Man stabs self while fleeing
The Faster Method
Kinky Sex, Shocking Death
highway worker nearly earns award
Reverse Mohawk
1 shoot closes slaying case
Grafitti Vandals Drown
When Couch Potatoes Take Root.
two for one
dangerous mixture
Is half a Darwin better then none?
Do Tell
Drowned pair 'spraypainting inside
Man Shot Himself In Genitals During
Explosive Military Intelligence
Men shoot themselves in tattoo atte
Making Deadly Gas at Home
German man goes out with X-mas Tree
vodka+viagra death
Fake hanging becomes all too real
Death by Exploding toilet
Down the drain!
Pneumatic Nail Gun Surprize
One sleeper too many on rail tracks
Man Killed in Backyard Explosion
What was he doing up in that crane?
Semi-Conductor
That is one Fowl Shot
diver drowns for golf balls
Metal fence gets revenge
Burning Pants
Police Break in?
Killer Drill
Go Get the Lawnmower
Next Time Buy a Ticket!
dumest showoff driver ever
Couldn't wait to get down and party
Truck-a-Luck
dangerous dog food
They Ain't no Bo and Luke Duke!
The Blue - Handed Pikeman
Un-happy slapper
Driver found unbuckled in crash, bu
Man Shot Himself In Genitals During
He now hates that 'Tom Tom' GPS!!!
A Crocodile Poacher gets scrambled.
Bare hand versus table saw
Drunken Phone Repair
Knife thief stabs self during getaw
Belly dancing through traffic
Who knew trucks were heavy?
Man held by ankles to snap photo
Super Glue Eye Drops
Eagle explosion
Cutting up a Napalm Bomb
Escalator Misused
Flash Powder near miss
Log Jamming
Driver requires GPS Train-ing
elevator surfer
Two men dead after swimming in drai
New year buffaloe ride
freek accident
Rest in Peas
Bike VS. Train
Is Arthur still going to heaven?
Slow Learner
Hangings should never be mocked up
Strong finger for firing a pistol
unsuccessful robber shoots self in
The Death of Deadtown
Don't want to fall out of this bed!
Abused car strikes back
Goat Overcomes Man
New years Nose Ring In Brain
Dog Love
Homosexual Couple Hospitalized
Listen to your parents!
Run over getting the bins in
Man breaks neck in pool accident
Older Slush 
 
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum
Home

  

Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Let Me Get a Better Look!

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Darwin says, "Ha ha! Thanks for the submission, and taking me back down memory lane. If it's something I would have done, and I did--ipso facto--it falls short of a Darwin Award, just my rule of thumb! But a great read."
Unfortunately, this story will only qualify for an honorable mention, but I think its funny enough for a Near-Miss Darwin Award. All of this really did happen, and I was a key instrument in it.

My friend is obsessed with anything with the label 'ILLEGAL', and he is especially obsessed with fireworks.

Recently, he managed to procure a small armament of Moon Travellers (smaller versions of the Sky Rocket). Tired of firing them straight up, he commisioned me to build a rocket launcher style device so that he could aim them at a target. I reluctantly agreed.

I constructed this gun out of a length of pipe with a handle attached. To load it, you slid the firework down the pipe and lit it through a small hatch I had cut in the pipe. An ingenious, and supposedly fool proof system.

When my friend got it he promptly did several things wrong.

1. He lit the firework before loading it into the gun.

2. For more control, he gripped it close to the end of the barrel.

3. He left the door to his shed open.

I realized what would happen an instant before it did. The firework launched before he could aim it properly. As it left the barrel, it burnt his hand, making him pull it away. This jogged the firework as it began it's flight, sending it into a soft spin. The firework flew, leaving a thin trail of smoke behind it, through the open door to the shed. What was he storing in the shed? More fireworks. Luckily he'd just cleaned out his shed, and there wasn't much in the way of other things to catch fire, other than the fireworks.

Within seconds we could here the bangs and screams. This is where my friend made his near fatal mistake. He shouted "Awesome!" and ran to the shed door to get a better look. He only realized his mistake as something that sprayed sparks ignited, hitting him squarely in the chest. Luckily for him he was wearing overalls, with a woolen jumper underneath. His overalls partially ignited from the extreme heat.

The only things that saved him from going up in flames was the damp lawn which he threw himself onto and the slightly flame-retardant jumper. The only damage was to his face. He had an over-night stay in hospital, where he was treated for minor burns to the face and neck, and within a month he was back to gathering fireworks for the following New Year's Eve.

Before anyone asks, the reason we think his overalls ignited was the high-saturation of oil they had picked up in his career as a mechanic. He hasn't learned his lesson, and recently made his own firework out of numerous others, almost setting fire to his entire back garden. But that's another story.

Submitted on 01/13/2008

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: New Year's Eve, 2007

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

Awful? 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Great?
Hate it! Love it!
>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I strongly suggest you keep far away from your friend whenever there are fireworks in the vicinity. It sounds to me like he's a full fledged DA in waiting. Thanks for a great story!


Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Society has a label for your friend: Pyromaniac. Here at the Darwin Awards we have a different label: our kind of guy! Thanks for the story.


The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

The Darwin Awards Condom

Keep yourself out of the gene pool!
A condom in a matchbook, useful for emergency contraception, bachelor parties, frat parties, and important rites of passage. LOADED inside and out with funny quotes and stories. Everyone loves this item!
Friends don't let friends reproduce!
$13 for Pack of 4

 

 

Slush Pile
Slush Pile Rejects

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend