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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

smokin berries

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

IN THE FALL OF 1988 I WAS GOING TO SOME TRAINING IN TUCSON AZ, SEVERAL OF US IN FACT. WHEN I WITNESSED THIS GUY WHO I WILL REFER TO AS TECHY BECAUSE HE IS OF A HIGHER RANK THEN ME AND I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT HIM TO FIND OUT. WE WERE TRAINING TO BE WEAPONS INSTRUCTORS AND TO PASS ON OUR INFINITE WISDOM SHOULD WE SURVIVE. TECHY WAS ABOUT AS DANGEROUS AS THEY COME. WHILE AT THIS TRAINING HE HAD BEEN WARNED NUMEROUS TIMES ABOUT CONTROLLING THE BUSINESS END OF HIS WEAPON AND TO NOT POINT IT IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FRIENDLIES--US. AFTER 1 LAST TIME OF HAVING HIM POINT HIS WEAPON AT ME, I FINALLY RAISED MY HAND, HOLSTERED MY WEAPON AND STEPPED AWAY FROM THE FIRING LINE. THE RANGEMASTER CAME TO ME AND ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG I SAID I REALLY DON'T CARE IF HE SHOOTS HIMSELF BUT I DONT WANT ANY GRAY MATTER ALL OVER MY UNIFORM! HE WALKED OVER TO TECHY AND SAID WHAT DID U DO? TECHY PROMPTLY FISTED HIS REVOLVER AND SHOWED THE RANGEMASTER THAT HE HAD POINTED THE WEAPON AT HIS OWN FOREHEAD SO HE COULD LOOK DOWN THE CYLINDERS TO SEE WHICH WERE LIVE ROUNDS AND WHICH WERE DUMMY ROUNDS---DID I SAY DUMMY?! FINALLY AT THE END OF HIS LAST DAY TECHY WAS GREAT HADN'T REALLY ATTEMPTED TO KILL ANYONE AND WE WE REWARDED WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO BLOW OFF A BUNCH OF ROUNDS. HOWEVER AT THE END WE HAD TO RETRIEVE ALL OF THE ORDNANCE. TECHY WENT TO PICK UP A SMALL ROCKET LOOKING DEVICE THAT HAD NOT EXPLODED AND IT WAS STUCK IN THE DIRT. TECHY OPTED TO "KICK" IT LOOSE RATHE THAN DIG IT OUT. WELL PLANS SOMETIMES GO AWRY AND IT WENT OFF SPEWING ABOUT 4 OUNCES OF CX TEAR GAS UP HIS PANTS LEG IN DIRECT CONFLICT WITH THE BERRIES, LIL TECHY AND THE ROUND EYE. WELL I NEVER DAW A CAPTAIN MOVE SO UNORTHODOX OR SO FAST ACROSS A FIRING RANGE IN MY LIFE. BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD THE CHEERS. IT SCARES ME THAT IT SURVIVED AND IS PROBABLY BREEDING.

Submitted on 12/06/2007

Submitted by: RAINMAN
Reference:

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks, Rainman, for a great PA!


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
So this fellow was a Captain? SOMEONE sure let him slip through the cracks! Anyway, this was one helluva PA! I guess this fellow REALLY wanted to spend a few days in sick bay! Thanks, Rainman!


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