I’ll try to keep the style of the original piece in the translation; I think it’s pretty funny as it is.

http://kp.ru/daily/24000/80309/

Criminals fall asleep during robbery

Tatyana Ezhova (Komsomolskaya Pravda – Belgorod)

11/13/2007

A crime right out of a comic movie has been committed in Belgorod district. The pharmacy in the town of Proletarsky was visited by a pair of robbers at the end of the work day. And we mean “visited”, rather than “rushed in”. The man and the woman walked in calmly and with dignity. Just like characters from a popular comedy. The only thing they didn’t do was ask directions to the library.

“We are closing!” warned the pharmacist.

“I’m afraid you will have to stay!” declared the man and produced a giant knife from his pocket.

“Give us some money…” said the woman, and after a brief pause added “Please…”

However, the register was squeaky clean. The secure courier service has picked up the day’s take just a short time before. Then, the evildoers decided to get what they could.

- “Do you have narcotics?” -

- “No,” said the scared pharmacist. –“Maybe dimedrol (Benadryl) on the shelf over there…”

While the man tied up the pharmacist with bandages and sticky tape, the woman methodically consumed sleeping pills. The accomplice joined her when a pile of empty packages grew on the floor in front of her. Finally, after chasing the pills down with some chocolate they found, the couple decided to leave the pharmacy. But then, the woman collapsed on the floor. The man rushed to her aid and tried to revive her. However, soon he felt a bit out of sorts as well.

“I seem to not feel well,” said he to the pharmacist. “Could you call a cab?”

Having said that, the robber passed out.

The pharmacist quickly got free of her bonds and ran to call the police. When the officers arrived at the scene, they had to rescue the pair rather than arrest them, they were barely breathing. They were unable to wake them up and took them to the hospital, where doctors are still working on them.

“As soon as they are on their feet, we will charge them with robbery,” we were told by the local police. “By the way, this is not the first crime for the man, he is a robber with experience.”

Submitted on 12/01/2007

Submitted by: Mike Shurkin
Reference: http://kp.ru/daily/24000/80309/ 11/13/2007

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
While attempting suicide by overdosing wouldn't be worthy of and award, and neither would a typical "dumb crooks" story, I think this one certainly does qualify for an HM. These two obviously weren't suicidal since they originally wanted money. They obviously weren't all that intelligent either when they started popping sleeping pills like they were candy. They're lucky they didn't tie up the pharmacist more securely. Thanks, Mike!

Chip said:
Neutral: Honorable Mention
I don't know... something just does not hand together on this one for me. So I will be neutral. Thanks for the story, Mike.

James said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
Gadzooks! This is the funniest dumb crook story I've read in some time! I will go HM on this. These two mooks were obviously too stupid to realize they were taking sleeping pills! Thanks, Mike, I got a good laugh out of that one! :-)

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