Kershaw County, SC. Farmer Sampson Parker had a farm, EEE-III-EEE-III-nevermind. And on this farm he had a mechanical corn picker, EEE-III-EEE-III-OUCH.

And yes, he was on it one day when he looked down and noticed a stalk of corn clogging up the rollers of the rusty contraption, so he got down to remove it, not bothering to shut down the machine first.

Quote: "I went up with my hand and the roller that takes the shucks off the corn had grabbed the glove and pulled my hand into the rollers," Parker said. "The more I tried pulling my hand out, the farther up my hand went."

He called out for help. None arrived. He waited for over an hour. No one searched for him and his hand was getting numb. He jammed a rod in the machine to keep the rollers from sucking him further in and made a fateful decision.

Quote: "He made the decision to cut his arm out of the machine. He used a John Deere pocket knife and started to cut away his fingers"

I have to imagine John Deere is delighted with this product shout-out. (Next time you need to dismember yourself, or anyone else, make sure you are using JOHN DEERE KNIVES to get the job done right!)

Anyway, as he starts sawing away at his captured digits the news gets more interesting. Seems the rod he jammed in the machinery caused sparks which ignited the dry cornfield. Now, one arm stuck and the other beating away flames he has this to say about the situation.

Quote: "My skin was melting. It was dripping off my arm like plastic, plastic melting. I realized I was in trouble," he said."

NOW HE'S IN TROUBLE? What was he in before his body started melting? A spot of bother? Just how many fingers did this guy have to start with if painful finger mangling and self mutilation doesn't constitute "trouble" until fire & melting flesh is thrown in?

Anyway he picks up his trusty named-brand blade, and decided neatness no longer counted.

Quote: "And I just jammed it into my arm, just like that, just started cutting away from the bone -- just dropped," he said."

Badly burnt and bleeding he drove himself to a nearby road and a passing Kersaw fireman bound up his wounds and got him to the hospital in time to save his life.

But he's getting better and isn't bitter he says.

"(I) came down here, had a prayer with God and the corn picker and me. Made it easier. Made peace with it," he said."

(wait...did he just say he was praying WITH the corn picker?)

Submitted on 11/25/2007

Submitted by: Jeanine G
Reference: http://news.yahoo.com/s/wyff/20071125/lo_wyff/14683234

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
Yet another case of a dolt trying to unjam moving machinery with bare hands, but this time he also tried to burn himself in the process. He's lucky he managed to get away with just an HM. Thanks, Jeanine!

Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
I like this story. I like it a lot! Thanks Jeanine.