Late at night, Eduard entered the apartment of a 30 year old handicapped man Alexey N.

The apartment owner was sleeping peacefully, so Eduard quietly cleaned out the apartment and was preparing to leave when the man suddenly woke up.

"I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw next to my nightstand a dark shape of some goon", tells the burglary victim. "I called out to the uninvited guest, and then he attacked me, who was defenseless, with his fists. I had no choice - I hit him between the legs with my crutch! He jumped back and then leaped out the window! Thank God, I live on the first floor, he did not die from the fall. By the way, I didn't even understand at first what fell out of his pants. When I looked closer, I saw it was a testicle, a regular man's testicle. I put it in cold water and rushed to the phone"

Alexey dialed the emergency services several times. "The doctors hung up on me as soon as I told them I ripped a burglar's balls off! "

Blood-covered Eduard was found a half-hour later by the passerby on the sidewalk, who called the police.

"An unconscious man was lying on the sidewalk", says an investigator with the Cheboksary police Eugenia Usmanova - "When the medics revived him he started screaming hysterically 'Give me back my balls!'"

Eduard's genitals were so traumatized that the doctors had to amputate the entire scrotum to prevent gangrene.

In the hospital, Eduard has filed a complaint with the police. He said "I will never forgive him for this!"

- - -

ORIGINAL SUBMISSION:

(November 2007, Russia) Late at night, Eduard entered the apartment of a 30-year-old handicapped man. The apartment resident was sleeping peacefully as Eduard quietly cleaned out the valuables. He was preparing to leave when suddenly the man woke up.

"I couldn't believe my eyes when I the dark shape of some goon standing next to my nightstand," recalls the burglary victim. "I cried out, and the uninvited guest attacked me, who was defenseless, with his fists! I had no choice. I hit him between the legs with my crutch! He jumped back and leapt out the window! Thank God I live on the first floor, and he did not die from the fall. I didn't understand at first what fell out of his pants. When I looked closer, I realized that it was a testicle, a man's testicle! I put it in cold water, and rushed to the phone."

The handicapped man dialed the emergency services several times, but "the doctors hung up on me when I told them I had ripped a burglar's balls off!"

Half an hour later, The blood-covered thief was found by a passerby, who called the police.

"An unconscious man was lying on the sidewalk," a police investigator disclosed. When the medics revived him, he started screaming hysterically, 'Give me back my balls!'"

Eduard's genitals were so traumatized that doctors had to amputate the entire scrotum to prevent gangrene. In the hospital, Eduard filed a complaint with the police. He said "I will never forgive him!"

- - -

ORIGINAL NEWS ARTICLE as translated by translate.google.com :

"Bring back my eggs!" Invalid, defending, looters stripped ... "Dignity"

22-year-old thief-Burglar wrote in a statement to police their sacrifice, which, protecting property, robbed him ... testicles. Climbing to the apartment 30 - Alexei N. summer disabled, the young offender did not expect to meet a desperate resistance.

Label literally blow crutches Alexei vyshib one testicle from Edward scrotum.... So horrible screaming thief in a position to inflict pain shock (!) Out of the window ...

In an apartment Alexei Burglar stepped middle of the night. The owner slept peacefully, so quietly Edward obchistil entire apartment and was about to leave already, when suddenly wake invalids.

-- I did not believe the eyes of his, when seen near the bedside table dark silhouette of a destroyed - tells the robbery victim. I noticed uninvited guest, as he at me, defenceless, jumps with fists. Doing nothing was - I burglar elbow crutch between the legs!... On otprygnul from me and fright in the window! Thank God, my first floor, it does not crash. Incidentally, I do not even understand that he vyvalilos of pants only, having considered the closer, saw - testicle, an ordinary manhood. I put it in cold water, and rushed to the phone itself.

Alexei several times typed the number "ambulance". -- No doctors immediately threw the tube, cost me just say that I lost eggs thief! Edward blood, rolling on the pavement, half an hour later and found bystanders, which resulted in militia.

A man without feelings lying on the pavement - tells investigator cheboksarskogo ATS Evgenia Usmanova. When medics brought him to consciousness, became hysterical screaming: "Bring back my eggs!"

Edward sexual organs were so traumatized that other provinces to prevent gangrene had to be amputated all the scrotum. Edward Hospital wrote in the police statement.

I it never forgive!

Submitted on 11/07/2007

Submitted by: Mike Shurkin
Reference: http://cripo.com.ua/?sect_id=10&aid=44009

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Darwin Award
While my initial feeling was that this was mainly a "dumb crook" story and self-selection may come into question I decided to vote a DA given that it was entirely the crooks fault that he suffered the injury that he did. If he had just run when the victim woke up, rather than attacking him, then he probably would have gotten away without any problems. By forcing the victim to defend himself the attacker certainly got what he deserved. Thanks, Mike!

Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Darwin Award
Google's translation is much more hilarious, including "The man-without feelings lying on the pavement, tells investigator cheboksarskogo ATS Yevgeny Usmanova. - When medics brought him into consciousness, became hysterically screaming: "Bring back my eggs!" Definitely an award winner here. Thanks for the story, Mike.

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