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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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I needed it like a hook in the head

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Darwin says, "Thanks for the submission -- and the amusing revelation at the end!"
This is the story of a boy, his fishing pole and an utter lack of awareness, not to mention common sense. During middle school, a guy i know went to a private school. This school offered a fishing class as an elective, so he took it, heedless of impending near encounter with the great cholrinator of the gene pool that was to follow. Indeed, this elective went just fine for most of the year. One day, however, they ran out of live bait. He had always used live bait, and now was forced to beg one of the teachers for a lure with all the pity that could be mustered.

Now, you know how some fishing lures have treble hooks? The kind that is three hooks in one? Well, this one had two of them. In hindsight, and even at the time, he felt it rather ominous when he reeled in a fish that was not hooked in the mouth. This fish had been snagged on the side of the head! Surely this should have served as a heads-up.

Alas for him-and fortunately for those reading this-the irony can only build. When he threw out the line on the next cast, there was no tell-tale "splash". Positive that despite the fact the line went BEHIND him, it was up in the trees above him, the guy in question gave a light yank. Puzzled by the lack of response from the tree branches, he then yanked it HARD-and set the treble hooks in his own head!

Only the stab of pain alerted him to the fact he was hurt. Apparently, he was too dense to realize that the light weight on top of his head was the lure. Screaming hysterically like a raccoon rocket man, he collapsed to the ground, and was walked up to the nurse's with a fishing lure dangling from his head. Attempts to remove them only succeeded in setting the SECOND hook prong on each of the treble hooks, and making it impossible to remove them without professional help.

Thereupon the guy was relayed to the hospital, where the lure was cut off one prong at a time, until finally the lure was removed from his head. One must wonder at the conversations the operators had with their friends and spouses after work. Despite being under the cutoff age by about three years, I feel this guy outdid himself because he:

1. Went on to do similar, though not as stupid, things after the cutoff-like trying to see the liquid form of a vaporized organic chemical and inhaling the fumes by accident (did I mention he still doesn't know what it was?), trying to touch a FRESHLY beached lion's mane jellyfish, and running down slippery stairs. Less dangerous was inhaling pepper on a bet...with nothing down on it (Did I forget to mention this guy is asthmatic?)

2. Had been fishing long enough to know that you should CHECK where your lure is (there had been a near incident previous to this one).

3. Had been fishing with lures before and knew about treble hooks.

4. Had ample warning in finned form.

5. Half a foot down and it would have been the neck, NOT the top of the head.

6. Had heard of the Darwin Awards.

I know this is not an urban legend, because guess who this great near self selector was? Me!

Submitted on 10/19/2007

Submitted by: Robert Weber
Reference: If any, they would would be in the hunterdon medical center for the years 01-02-03, no latter

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
That's quite a resume you've got there, Robert! I hope you don't end up earning a full fledged DA in the future. Having said that I can certainly relate to you on one level. When I was about 12 I ended up with a similar fishing lure buried in my thumb with a very lively bluefish on the other end. I think I made up a few new swear words that day. Thanks for sharing all this with us!


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Well, at least you've owned it all! A very amusing and well-written PA, Robert!


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