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2007 October Slush
(DA) The Enema Within
(?) Man killed on I-880 held onto back
(DA) Elephants makes Journalist Squash
(DA) When You Guard, Dont Try To steal
(DA) The Wrong Chin-Up Bar
(?) Breathalyser Game
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Reverend's Odd Autoasphyxia
Retired cop struck, killed by train
The Hitchhiker Who Became Roadkill
(?) light me, camera, action!
(DA) Ammo Dumps
Lenoir Man Electrocuted
“shredded hippy parts!”
(?) I need it like a hook in the head
Hang on there!
Garden Gnomw
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Grab a ride
Brilliant Example of Propane Safety
I threw a hatchet in the air,
Dead man was in avocado tree for da
Surf's Up
'Skylarking' man in undies falls ni
Smoking and Abiding Kills!!!!
A simple repair
Syphoning gas with vacuum cleaner
Anti-Violence activist teen shot
Crocodile Indeed
Newtons Other Laws
Car kills two people fighting
Man Stuck in Ex-Wife's Window Dies
oversized load kills man of 75.
Dogs Shot man on hunting Trip
Two women burned while huffing comp
Fighting man, woman killed on I-595
Forbidden Fruit
(DA) Fatal a-Traction
flammable fraud attempt
Body struck repeatedly on I-880
Burglar slashes own throat
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Car Surfing
Dumped on while dumping
Car Capers
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Theif struck by train
Coleman Stoves are for Outside Only
A garage sale??
No flashlight? No Problem
Pheasant & Highway
Gas station.. close call
Be gateful it's not you
Dying for a leak?
Wheelchair Whacko!
CVS--Crook Vent Stuck!
The invulnerable crossing guard
Tight Chimney
Malfunction Junction
2 Construction Workers Drown in Pon
Their truck was da bomb!
Tuck and Roll
Woman looses arm after a loin bite
Camouflage or not
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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

The invulnerable crossing guard

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Recently I was driving down one of the surface streets in Owasso OK when I ran across - and almost ran over - a crossing guard that seemed to be invulnerable to moving cars, or so she seemed to think. Or to common sense, which became evident.

I had stopped at a red light while the curb and side walk was filled with milling middle schoolers with one Darwin-worthy woman with a hand held stop sign and a magical car-proof orange vest. When no one seemed to be wanting to cross in front of me, I started a right turn (which is perfectly legal in this state). At which point - the truck being in motion - the heroine of our story flips up her stop sign and steps in front of the moving vehicle that she had been looking at prior to her jumping into the street. After suddenly braking and watching the herd o'teenagers get lead across by the aforementioned knob, I roll down my window and advise this soon-to-be-gone-from-this-earth-if-the-gods-are-merciful person that it's generally not a good idea to step in front of a moving car. And of course, she argued around the point citing right of way, which I didn't argue (even though I was entirely legal in my maneuver). The point that didn't seem to sink in - even after a few minutes of debate - is that anyone weighing in at around 125 _pounds_ doesn't stand much of a chance against a SUV that has a curb weight of about 1.5 _tons_, even if it's just starting out from being 0 MPH just a couple of seconds before.

Remember - any amount of debate about the acceptability of behavior won't negate being bounced off someone's grill. Use common sense or physics will eventually get you.

Also - if you're determined to kill yourself, don't use me to help you unless you have my permission.

Submitted on 10/04/2007

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Personal Account

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
Love it! Hate it!
>> Moderator Scores <<

Chip said:
Neutral: Personal Account
While in this case there were bystanders that stood just as good a chance of being injured as the guard here, I will be neutral on this one and defer to my fellow moderators. Thanks for sending the story.


Bruce said:
Maybe Toss: Lacks Excellence
Unfortunately people not paying attention and walking into oncoming traffic isn't all that uncommon an occurrence. While this woman may have felt invulnerable thanks to her position of authority it really would have just boiled down to getting hit by a car for not paying attention.


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I beg to differ. I've experienced several crossing guards who seem to see their position as some sort of power trip! I'll keep it as a PA!


Graham said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Ahh - the old power-hungry nobody story. It's only a matter of time before this woman discovers the error of her ways. And she's in charge of children? That's what's scary here . . .


Shadow said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
As a personal account its great, i agree that she risks the lives of the children to.. since none of them were injured I think PA works great


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