The Enema Within
2007 Reader Submission
Accepted into the Archive.
When Tammy Jean (40) married Michael in Texas in 2002 little did she know that Michael (56) had a secret.
Michael was an alcoholic.
Not an ordinary alcoholic but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor....well, rectally.
The Texan machine shop operator couldn't ingest alcohol by mouth (apparently due to painful medical problems with his throat) so instead elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema.
Essentially the resultant effect was the same, however when the rest of us have had enough we simply stop drinking (or pass out), however when Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out), the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed.
Rather than dissuade Michael from ‘drinking’, Tammy assisted him in his pursuits… by supplying (in May 2004) not one but two 1.5 litre bottles of Sherry.
Michael was in for one hell of a party! More than 100 fluid ounces of sweet, sweet sherry….right up your old address!
Tammy performed her marital duties admirably, and ‘administered’ to her husbands every need. Unfortunately, when she awoke the next morning Michael was dead in the bed beside her.
A subsequent autopsy found that Michaels blood alcohol level was (wait for it..!!) 0.47% … 6 times the legal intoxication limit in Texas.
Tammy Jean surrendered to Lake Jackson police and was subsequently charged with negligent homicide, which of course would disqualify Michael from receiving a Darwin Award, should she be found guilty.
However, in a twist sure to delight all Darwin Award readers all charges were dropped in August 2007 by the Brazoria County District Attorney's office due to ‘lack of evidence’.
So..lets examine the evidence. In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, Michael must;
Be unable to Reproduce. TICK! (He’s dead)
Have removed himself from the gene pool via an ‘Astounding misapplication of judgment’. TICK! (3 Litres of Sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding!)
Be Mature. TICK! (At the time of his death Michael was 58 years of age)
And the story must be verifiable…well check these out!:
Woman accused of giving husband lethal sherry enema
By RICHARD STEWART, HOUSTON CHRONICLE
Investigators say a woman caused her husband's death by giving him a sherry
enema, leading to alcohol poisoning. The enema caused his blood alcohol
level to soar to 0.47 percent -- almost six times the legal intoxication
limit in Texas, a toxicology report showed.
Tammy Jean Warner, 42, was indicted on a charge of negligent homicide. She
is also charged with burning the will of her husband, Michael Warner, a
month before his death on May 21.
Michael Warner, a 58-year-old machine shop owner, had a long history of
alcoholism but couldn't ingest alcohol by mouth because of painful medical
problems with his throat, said Lake Jackson, Texas, police detective Robert
Turner. The enema was a way he could become intoxicated without drinking
alcohol, Turner said.
"I heard of this kind of thing in mortuary school in 1970, but this is the
first time I've ever heard of someone actually doing it," Turner said.
Turner said police think Warner gave her husband at least two large bottles
of sherry, which is stronger than wine, in the enema. "We're not talking
about little bottles here," Turner said, "These were at least 1.5-liter
Turner said police don't know if the victim had ever become intoxicated in
that manner before the lethal incident.
Tammy Warner told police that she found her husband dead in their
bed. Turner said she admitted giving him the sherry enema, but not to
causing his death.
"A person drinking alcohol will usually pass out before getting a lethal
dose," Turner said. "But if you're getting it through an enema, you can
pass out and still be ingesting more alcohol."
Tammy Warner surrendered to Lake Jackson police Monday and was released on
$30,000 bond. She could not be reached for comment Wednesday. Neither
Turner nor Brazoria County District Attorney Jeri Yenne would comment on
the charge related to the will.
The indictment said providing Michael Warner with alcohol and destroying
the will constituted a "criminal episode."
Although Michael Warner may have agreed initially to the enema as a way to
become intoxicated, Yenne said, "he was not a willing participant in
something that would cause his death." "He knew that it was very dangerous
for him to have any form of alcohol and she knew it was very dangerous for
him to have alcohol," Yenne said.
The couple's neighbors said they were surprised Wednesday to learn of the
John Criswell, 24, said the widow had mostly been away from the modest
brown frame house at the end of the street since her husband died. "She
said she was scared to stay there by herself alone," Criswell said. "She
said she'd been having trouble with his family."
The couple had been married about two years, police said.
"She asked me to keep an eye on the place," Criswell said. He said he last
saw her about three weeks ago.
Police drop charges over 'fatal' sherry enema
October 4, 2007 - 7:59AM
Charges have been dropped against a Texas woman who was accused of giving
her husband a sherry enema that killed him.
Tammy Jean Warner had been indicted for negligent homicide in the May 2004
death of Michael Warner, 58, but the Brazoria County District Attorney's
office said today the charge was dropped a month ago for lack of evidence.
The Houston Chronicle said Warner, 45, had been scheduled to go to court
next week for a trial that had been reset six times.
At the time of Warner's indictment in 2005, police told the Chronicle the
woman had given her husband two large bottles of sherry, which raised his
blood alcohol level to 0.47 percent, or nearly six times the level
considered legally drunk in Texas.
Warner admitted administering the enema but denied she caused the death of
her husband, who was a machine shop operator. The incident occurred at
their home in Lake Jackson, near Houston.
She told the newspaper her husband was addicted to enemas and often used
alcohol in that manner. Police said Warner had a throat ailment that left
him unable to drink the sherry.
Submitted on 10/03/2007
Seattle PI, Reuters, theAge.com, Houston Chronice
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