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2007 October Slush
(DA) The Enema Within
(?) Man killed on I-880 held onto back
(DA) Elephants makes Journalist Squash
(DA) When You Guard, Dont Try To steal
(?) Breathalyser Game
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Retired cop struck, killed by train
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(?) light me, camera, action!
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Lenoir Man Electrocuted
(?) I need it like a hook in the head
Hang on there!
Garden Gnomw
Dead man was in avocado tree for da
Second time unlucky
Grab a ride
“shredded hippy parts!”
Car kills two people fighting
Brilliant Example of Propane Safety
I threw a hatchet in the air,
Anti-Violence activist teen shot
Surf's Up
'Skylarking' man in undies falls ni
Smoking and Abiding Kills!!!!
A simple repair
Syphoning gas with vacuum cleaner
Crocodile Indeed
Newtons Other Laws
Man Stuck in Ex-Wife's Window Dies
oversized load kills man of 75.
Two women burned while huffing comp
Fighting man, woman killed on I-595
Forbidden Fruit
flammable fraud attempt
Body struck repeatedly on I-880
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Man accidently shoots himself in ba
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Dumped on while dumping
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Theif struck by train
Coleman Stoves are for Outside Only
Gas station.. close call
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Pheasant & Highway
Be gateful it's not you
Dying for a leak?
Wheelchair Whacko!
CVS--Crook Vent Stuck!
The invulnerable crossing guard
Tight Chimney
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2 Construction Workers Drown in Pon
Their truck was da bomb!
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Camouflage or not
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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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A simple repair

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

When I went to the local chapter of ITT, I met a great guy named Ben. Now, Ben was as sharp as a tack. Nothing made it past his eye without excrutiating scrutiny. Which is why I was so surprised when I witnessed this attempt at the Darwin hall of shame.

Ben and I were at his parents house helping out with the lawn work, as they were getting on in age and couldn't do it themselves. Ben took one look at his fathers worn lawnmower and found a small hole in the metal tank. He turned the mower upside down in an attempt to drain the gasoline from it. He was successful, although he was now practically drenched in gas. Ben grabbed his handy welding torch and spot welded the tank back together. Satisfied with his job well done, Ben took it upon himself to light up a congratulatory cigarette. It was almost his last. Flames engulfed my dear friend as he struck his lighter, then mostly subsided and concentrated in the genital area.

Ben, now one ponytail short, was grateful when the doctor in the emergency room told him that his genital were still functional but would be very tender for the next few weeks.

Submitted on 10/01/2007

Submitted by: Matthew Trout
Reference: Personal Account 9/03/04

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
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>> Moderator Scores <<

Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
A somewhat amusing Personal Account. Why did the welding torch not ignite the gas? Thanks for sending the story, Matthew.


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
This is a funny story, Matthew! What does it for me is the sheer cartooniness of your friend successfully welding a tank while soaked in gasoline and then nearly getting immolated when he lights the cigarette! The readers should enjoy this one!


Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest

Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.
$15
The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head!

123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more.

Autographed by Author!

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