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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

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A Stolen Trick, A Darwinian Treat

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

My sister, "Alice", nutcase and model, hangs out with every unsavory reject to walk through our Long Island town. Needless to say, I love these people. They make my house feel like everyday is a family gathering. Well, last year, Alice made the mistake of telling her two druggie friends, "Mike" and "Linda", about a prank my mother and her sisters used to play on trick-or-treaters back in the 70's. They would tie a bucket to the balcony railing of their home, with a rope hanging down that said "Pull Me". When the unfortunate children below made the mistake of pulling said rope, a bucket of old, warm beer would coat them and their candy. Well, Mike and Linda decided that this was an amazing trick. That very Halloween, they chose to perform it. Utilizing what they had, Mike tied the bucket to the ancient, dilapidated fire escape outside the window of his sixth floor apartment. Linda...... well she sat there and took bong hits. What Mike didn't seem to understand was that when Alice said "beer in a bucket", that the beer was no longer in the bottle. Packing in as many bottles as possible, he then attempted the prank on the first trick-or-treaters to walk outside the apartment building. But nothing came out. Instead of realizing that he had packed the bottles in too tight, he went down to the first floor to investigate. Linda, who had been in the bathroom vomiting, had forgotten all about the prank. ALL about it. So, when she saw a large bucket chock-full of beers, you guessed it, she just couldn't resist. The moment she stepped onto the fire escape, it let out a groan and slanted considerably. Grabbing onto the railing of the next set of stairs, she leaned forward gingerly and continued her attempt to grab a brew. Mike, coming out the building, stared at his rope (actually, it was an old cord of some sort) in bewilderment, not realizing he had tied two separate ropes, one holding the bucket aloft, and one onto the railing for the kids to pull. He took the cord in his hands, jumped up in the air, and let all of his weight tug the rope.

Poor "Mike" was killed instantly by the rusty pile of steel.

But "Linda" was ridiculously lucky that day. When the fire escaped extracted itself from the building, it separated between the sixth and seventh floor. Meaning, though the floor literally disappeared from under her and set sights on her boyfriend, she was left dangling by one hand from a rusty railing six stories above the concrete and steel below. In her panties, I might add (she was wearing heels too, which may sound weird, but Linda doesn't own anything else. Seriously, she loves them). Her screams for help were immediatedly heard by three people having dinner in the apartment below Mike's, who managed to safely guide her in their kitchen window.

So: "Mike" = Crushed to death

"Linda" = Tetnis shot

Submitted on 09/18/2007

Submitted by: Cecilia F.
Reference: none

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Great story, Cecilia! Thanks for sending it.

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Darwin Award
As I was reading this I had visions of Wily E. Coyote having one of his many traps backfire on him. This truly is Darwinesque behavior, and I'll gladly vote a PA for this. If you can find a published account of this, which wouldn't surprise me at all, then please send it in and we'll gladly upgrade this to a full DA. Thanks, Cecilia!

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