So our wannabe knight, who only wanted to impress the ladies with his beautiful blue uniform and shiny badge graduated the academy and proudly became a member of the San Francisco PD. Hmmm, maybe it was the "Streets of San Francisco" that drove him to enroll. He could have been thinking he might attract his own Catherine Zeta-Jones someday?

Unfortunately, they don't teach common sense at the academy. Although they cover gun safety extensively, I mean things like the dangers of mixing alcohol with loaded guns and how guns work, there's no class for just plain old basic thinking. He should have watched "Forest Gump" and learned that "stupid is as stupid does"

One night at a gathering in his apartment of 15 or so assorted friends our Prince Charming wannabe met a beautiful lady who he wanted to impress, and impress her he did, he left an impression on her that will last her lifetime.

There is a scene in "Blazing Saddles" where the new Sheriff (Cleavon Little) holds a gun to his own head and pretends to be his own hostage. By pulling off this little ruse on the simple townsfolk he manages to escape the angry mob!

Well our hero decides that to impress this fair maiden he would show her how policemen are taught to keep their guns from being taken by the many nefarious bad guys our hero faced on a daily basis. His hope, I believe, was that by doing this he would whisk away to the bedroom with the soon to be swooning damsel.

Well here's where the lack of just basic thinking comes into play. Unfortunately or fortunately, if you consider his self sacrifice to keep the gene pool strong, this lack of common sense leads to his inevitable early demise from this earth.

After consuming several libations he felt smooth and sexy. He removed the magazine from his department issued semi-automatic pistol and he begins to show the beautiful damsel his vast knowledge of the art of crime fighting.

He should have remembered two things. First never handle a gun while legally drunk and second when you remove the magazine from a semi-automatic pistol a round is still loaded in the chamber. These things were, I'm sure, mentioned at some point during his classes at the the academy.

While doing his Cleavon Little schtick all of the things he should have known, pardon the pun, were blown away. When he pointed the gun at his head in mock struggle with an invisible bad guy all of the things he had done wrong added up to a strengthening the human gene pool before it could be damaged by his DNA and he shot himself in the noggin.

"Somebody's blood alcohol level and their ability to function correctly can vary from individual to individual," Foucrault the SF coroner said. "It's subjective."

Was it the booze or brains that caused this man to win a Darwin Award? I guess we'll never really know, but does it really matter?

Submitted on 08/31/2007

Submitted by: Jonathan Brown
Reference: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/08/30/BA78RSJKI.DTL

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Neutral: For Darwin's Eyes
We have this story already, but this is an original write-up (even if it's just a BIT over the top). I will let Darwin have a look at it! Thanks, Jonathan!

Bruce said:
Neutral: For Darwin's Eyes
This is quite a unique writeup. Thanks for sending it in, Jonathan!

Chip said:
Definitely Keep: For Darwin's Eyes
I too like the write up on this one. Thanks Jonathan

The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

The Darwin Awards Condom Keep yourself out of the gene pool! A condom in a matchbook, useful for emergency contraception, bachelor parties, frat parties, and important rites of passage. LOADED inside and out with funny quotes and stories. Everyone loves this item! Friends don't let friends reproduce! $13 for Pack of 4