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2007 August Slush
(DA) Marlboro Cigarette Raft and a Flood
(?) Mirabilandia - Katun
(HM) Dancin' In The Street
(Hmm) CSI 1, Provo 0
(?) I've Been Texting on the Railroad
(?) Wooden Rails
(DA) Beer for Bears
(?) Covered load
(?) Would You Like Fry With That?
(?) Man dies after being run over by po
(?) Self-disposal
(HM) Key to Stupidity
The Anaheim Space Program
(?) Police Academy 8 (
(?) Rookie cop who killed himself ...
Forgetting Something?
Porch Swing Pipebomb
conveying the message
(DA) Expanding Foam & Blowtorch Fatality
Why do you need a steering wheel?
Balls R Us
OMG, Train meets Texter.
(DA) Those aren't teddy bears!
(?) Witchdoctor meets his ancestors
Glass-Eating Crook
Cinder block'd
Volt reader mishap
Stoned and Educated???
"Et Tu Brute?"
A quiet place to sleep!!!
no nuts
That's all he wrote ...
Another jump from moving car
Danger High Voltage
Laying Rubber
Anything for aa high
Flip and Miss
Train Surfing
Dwarf in on stage accident.
When it turns out that the guy you
Man struck, killed by train in Melb
"I can do that!"
S.F. rookie cop who shot himself to
Teen falls six stories
Scrap Van Man
Beheaded rattlesnake can still bite
Police pluck flip-flopless teen off
Japanese biker fails to notice mis
The Deer Hunter
Man On Lawnmower Killed In Collisio
A Valuable Lesson
Camel kills Australian woman
Where's the doorknob?
Follow that rod!
Illegal Surgery - Testicle Removal
When Nature Calls...
Bedford High School student died wh
Watch out for that tree?
Cockroaches brutally attack........
Death by band-aid.
peepong tom electrocuted
An Explosive Game of Frisbee
Game Over, Dude
Inmate thrown from Roof
Cooking his own goose..
Woman killed by pet camel in outbac
Another Method of Electrocution!
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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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Wooden Rails

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

This does not qualify for an official Darwin Award, buy may be suitable for an honorable mention.

For Spring Break 2007 a group of friends and myself rented a beach house in Destin, FL. My friend's younger brother, John Michael, started this day off with a few breakfast beers. By afternoon we were ready to go to the beach.

There was a wooden walkway to the beach with a long flight of stairs. In an effort to impress, John Michael decided to show off his skills. With little sense of judgment and a good running start, he hopped on the wooden rail and started sliding. With blazing speed he caught splinters the whole way down, including a 6 inch wooden shard piercing about an inch wide and an eighth on an inch thick. He hit the sand at the bottom and whimpered in agony. The shard totally pierced his butt cheek and just missed going through his "family jewels".

Instead of seeking medical attention, he pulled what he could out by himself and proceeded to go swimming in the Gulf of Mexico. It wasn't until later that he thought of sterilizing the wounds. So, he proceeds to drink and pour vodka over his new piercing.

The next morning he wakes up really sore with the remaining splinters in his butt and realized that he needed to seek medical attention. The wound became infected, and he had to go daily to the doctor for cleaning it out. Thankfully, the antibiotics he was taking prevented anymore consumption of alcohol for that week.

Moral of the story, "Do NOT slide down wooden rails." Had the wooden shard rendered him sterile, I think he would be a strong candidate for the rare Living Darwin Award.

Submitted on 08/30/2007

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Personal Account

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks for sending this in, it sure was funny! It'll make a good (and very painful) personal account! I wonder why he did such a thing? It must have been the beer...!


Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Hopefully he decided to perform his self-surgery in a modest place! I do appreciate the laugh today.


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