Charles Darwin's Darwin Awards 
HOME
Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
2007 August Slush
(DA) Marlboro Cigarette Raft and a Flood
(?) Mirabilandia - Katun
(HM) Dancin' In The Street
(Hmm) CSI 1, Provo 0
(?) I've Been Texting on the Railroad
(?) Wooden Rails
(DA) Beer for Bears
(?) Covered load
(?) Would You Like Fry With That?
(?) Man dies after being run over by po
(?) Self-disposal
(HM) Key to Stupidity
The Anaheim Space Program
(?) Police Academy 8 (
(?) Rookie cop who killed himself ...
Forgetting Something?
Porch Swing Pipebomb
conveying the message
(DA) Expanding Foam & Blowtorch Fatality
Why do you need a steering wheel?
Balls R Us
OMG, Train meets Texter.
(DA) Those aren't teddy bears!
(?) Witchdoctor meets his ancestors
Glass-Eating Crook
Cinder block'd
Volt reader mishap
Stoned and Educated???
"Et Tu Brute?"
A quiet place to sleep!!!
no nuts
That's all he wrote ...
Another jump from moving car
Danger High Voltage
Laying Rubber
Anything for aa high
Flip and Miss
Train Surfing
Dwarf in on stage accident.
When it turns out that the guy you
Man struck, killed by train in Melb
"I can do that!"
S.F. rookie cop who shot himself to
Teen falls six stories
Scrap Van Man
Beheaded rattlesnake can still bite
Police pluck flip-flopless teen off
Japanese biker fails to notice mis
The Deer Hunter
Man On Lawnmower Killed In Collisio
A Valuable Lesson
Camel kills Australian woman
Where's the doorknob?
Follow that rod!
Illegal Surgery - Testicle Removal
When Nature Calls...
Bedford High School student died wh
Watch out for that tree?
Cockroaches brutally attack........
Death by band-aid.
peepong tom electrocuted
An Explosive Game of Frisbee
Game Over, Dude
Inmate thrown from Roof
Cooking his own goose..
Woman killed by pet camel in outbac
Another Method of Electrocution!
Brazilian edition
Older Slush 
 
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum
Home

  

Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

conveying the message

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I was working as a paramedic intern in Spokane, WA's Deaconess medical center in may of 2000, when late one night a gentelman approached our triage desk and reported that he had some stiches that he needed resutured. we then took his information and began to process him in, he did have a sense of urgency about him however. After he was brought back into the treatment areas he then fully disclosed the nature of the stitching ( he had merely said that the stiches were in a personal place). This man ha a large number of stitches in his scrotum, which he said was a work related injury. It turns out that a little less than a week previously he had been injured at work and gottne the stitches then. The man told us that he had been working the graveyard shift at a spokane valley manufacturing plant and had taken to masturbating on the job to releive tension and boredom. It seems that he enjoyed flipping his testicles on a moving conveyer belt for a massaging feel while he masturbated. On the first night he was injured he didn't notice the small snag in the staples holding the belt together, which caused his initial injury. but as i said, we were RE-stitching this man, apparently, according to the patient the first ordeal wasn't enough to get a message across to him, he tore his stitches out while doing it again on the same peice of machinery. It king of makes you wonder if they'll change the warning signs around machines with moving parts you know the ones that say "no loose clothing..."

Submitted on 08/24/2007

Submitted by: Matt
Reference: personal account

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
Love it! Hate it!
>> Moderator Scores <<

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I wonder if this mook learned his lesson the second time or if he was just too embarrassed to face you again and went to a different hospital the next time around! Great story, Matt! Thanks for sharing it with us.


Graham said:
Neutral: Personal Account
It's enough to make your eyes water! There's masturbation and then there's . . . well, THIS guy. Sheesh!


Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
This one is much like an older tale of the "gentleman" who snagged his manhood in machinery while masturbating then did a self-repair with staples. I guess these people are more common than we would like to think. Thanks for the story, Matt


The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

The Darwin Awards Condom

Keep yourself out of the gene pool!
A condom in a matchbook, useful for emergency contraception, bachelor parties, frat parties, and important rites of passage. LOADED inside and out with funny quotes and stories. Everyone loves this item!
Friends don't let friends reproduce!
$13 for Pack of 4

 

 

Slush Pile
Slush Pile Rejects

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend