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2007 August Slush
(DA) Marlboro Cigarette Raft and a Flood
(?) Mirabilandia - Katun
(HM) Dancin' In The Street
(Hmm) CSI 1, Provo 0
(?) I've Been Texting on the Railroad
(?) Wooden Rails
(DA) Beer for Bears
(?) Covered load
(?) Would You Like Fry With That?
(?) Man dies after being run over by po
(?) Self-disposal
(HM) Key to Stupidity
The Anaheim Space Program
(?) Rookie cop who killed himself ...
Forgetting Something?
Porch Swing Pipebomb
(?) Police Academy 8 (
conveying the message
(DA) Expanding Foam & Blowtorch Fatality
(DA) Those aren't teddy bears!
Why do you need a steering wheel?
Balls R Us
OMG, Train meets Texter.
(?) Witchdoctor meets his ancestors
Glass-Eating Crook
Cinder block'd
Volt reader mishap
Stoned and Educated???
"Et Tu Brute?"
A quiet place to sleep!!!
no nuts
That's all he wrote ...
Another jump from moving car
Danger High Voltage
Laying Rubber
Anything for aa high
Flip and Miss
Train Surfing
Dwarf in on stage accident.
When it turns out that the guy you
Man struck, killed by train in Melb
"I can do that!"
S.F. rookie cop who shot himself to
Teen falls six stories
Scrap Van Man
Beheaded rattlesnake can still bite
Police pluck flip-flopless teen off
Japanese biker fails to notice mis
The Deer Hunter
Cockroaches brutally attack........
Man On Lawnmower Killed In Collisio
A Valuable Lesson
Camel kills Australian woman
Where's the doorknob?
An Explosive Game of Frisbee
Follow that rod!
Illegal Surgery - Testicle Removal
When Nature Calls...
Bedford High School student died wh
Watch out for that tree?
Death by band-aid.
peepong tom electrocuted
Game Over, Dude
Inmate thrown from Roof
Cooking his own goose..
Woman killed by pet camel in outbac
Another Method of Electrocution!
Brazilian edition
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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

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Key to Stupidity

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

This story involved only me. I should not be alive to tell it. It shows that sobriety and stupidity are not mutually exclusive. For this story, I was stone cold sober. A few summers ago, I was driving west down twisty Hwy 50 in the Sierras in a convertible with the top down. I stopped along the American River to fish. As it was clouding up, I didn't need my sunglasses. Being prudent and a previous victim of a sunglass theft from a convertible, I locked them in the glove box. When I returned (fishless), I resumed my drive down the 2-lane winding road, with the river 50-100 feet below on my left. The sun began to break through. Rather than stopping to get my sunglasses, I just turned off the engine and removed the key from the ignition to use it in the glove box, while continuing to coast down the road. With the engine off, the power steering became heavy and the power brakes were almost non-existent. But the real thrill came when I had to turn the steering wheel to follow the road. Click! The steering wheel locked, and I was headed for the river! I'm alive to write this not because I was able to put the key back in and start the car - I wasn't, there was no time. Only the following saved me (and my car): 1) there were no cars coming the other way as I crossed quickly over the oncoming lane, 2) there was a small wide spot in the shoulder on the opposite side of the road, just above a 50-foot drop to the river, and 3) I was barely able, with both the foot brake and the hand brake, to bring the car to a stop with its nose over the edge. Moral: Don't get cute. You can only be cute if you're under 10. If you are, don't drive.

Submitted on 08/19/2007

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: None

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
There's a reason newer model cars have ignition interlocks that won't let you remove the key when the car is moving! I'm glad you survived unscathed so you could share this with us.


Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
One of the funniest Personal Accounts I have read in quite a while! Thanks for sending it to us.


Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest

Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.
$15
The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head!

123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more.

Autographed by Author!

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